Alcoholic Asshole.

2012-01-20T17:31:00.002-04:00

Well... it still hasn't sunk in that 2011 has past me by.

All the sad things, the obstacles... Good things and bad. Both.
What can i do this year, to not just fulfill my life, but also... make me happy.

I really have no idea.
What i thought would make me happy, in turn, it made me so miserable, that i was starting to be repulsed by the feeling of it. By the single thing that i once thought meant the world to me.
I am to blame though. Either way, i'm untenable.

I tell my friends, that in order to keep yourself happy, don't give a fuck.
But yet deep down, i am oversensitive, have no more self-confidence, constantly seeking the wrong audience for approval; simply put, giving too much fuck.

What else? What else could i seek in life, that could truly make me happy?
Marriage? Having Kids? Traveling around the world? Music? Driving a Porsche? Eating? Smoking? Drinking?

What if i'm actually a fucking cynic who already finds myself tired of what life can offer?
Only time will tell... I'm fucking bushed.

Challenge Accepted.

2011-12-24T18:24:00.003-04:00

This post is actually quite short. I think i'll have a longer one on new year's day.
If it's not too early for resolutions, i think for starters i will stop being, and THINKING, like this guy. ^^^^

I'll be him. >:/

2011-10-29T16:31:00.002-04:00

Wow.... Long time since i'm here.

Ever since NS started, it took the writing out of me.
Well, i don't think i should bore you with army stuff, since there are too many stories to tell.
Everytime i'm here i came to pen my current thoughts down, and that should be the way. I was joking along with a friend when i thought about this.

I've been logically thinking, done some research, and i've came to realise that there's very little possibility that i can accomplish my dream. In fact, if you would see closely, i'm actually very very very fucked up. I'm 21, with nothing but a O levels cert, and i have no money, nor savings, neither a rich family to sustain me. And in the industry that i want to be in, i'll lose out, on about at least 6-7 years of experience. Everyone wants young blood. Who would like a late twenties dude to start out? Technically, no.

I've seen some people in their late twenties, with a 1500-1700 paying job, N levels- Nitec, just going through the motion. Some even got a kid on their hands. Not that i despise these people, cause everybody have their sad stories, or maybe that is already their dream? To start small and be simple in life. But i dread that that will happen to me. At the age of 23, without a tertiary education and fresh out of army, what can be of me when even the best of university graduates can't find one?

I still believe that i'm made for something better than the status quo. I don't want to go through the motion. I want to make my life worthwhile. I told myself many times. I only live once, and i don't want to have nothing to show for it. Either i have a blast, or just let me die now. Honestly. I keep on thinking, and thinking. At least Abel Rosnovski had time. He came to America to start a new life when he was like damn young. Now even time is not on my side. And can i do anything about it now? No.

What's the point of thinking about it night after night, bugging me before i fall asleep? Each time i see my friends, i am reminded that after army, their world is their oyster, and that's when their adult life really begins, while mine... ... is a story yet to unfold. What would we talk about, assuming we still meet each other in the future?

Hey, how's your ____ job doing? Oh yeah great, how about you Kenneth?

What am i going to reply?
1) I'm still in school
2) I'm a bum
3) I'm doing XXX job (LOW PAY LONG HOURS NO QUALIFICATION NEEDED)
4) None of the above

I dunno yet. But... oh man, i can't go on, my mind is messed up.
All the more reasons to give up thinking about relationships, don't you think so?

Anyway, real-time speaking,
My PSP is spoiled,
My laptop is spoiled,
I'm sick, and not even the doc gives a fuck.
I'm broke.

Ryan Tedder says when you're happy like a fool, let it take you over; when everything is out, you gotta take it in. I try my best to remember that whenever shit happens, but it's well... fucking hard.

see you when i see you.

X.X

2011-07-02T07:39:00.002-04:00

Each day i step forward, i feel that i'm edging away further and further from the ones i hold close.
My dream is walking away, as reality sinks in.

I can't do anything right. Not even when i'm trying to do right something which is wrong.
My mind cannot take it, only sleep, and training is a comfort. Cause it makes me temporarily forget what is outside here. All my problems.

Nothing can be closer to the truth than this.
I feel like trying to take a failed stat maple char and continuing to play it.

I really had enough.
No more trying.
I keep trying and trying and trying but it always ends the same.
Why try when i know it's going to end the same one way or another?

Fuck my awesome life.

Chinese post.

2011-05-18T11:46:00.002-04:00

我真的受够了。
我试了好多次去改变；可能我始终都没变, 有没有真的变了你们最明白。
可是我觉得你们对我的偏见，是永远不会变的。

你们要说什么也好，你们心里在想什么我未必懂，可是日子久了，很多事情都会明了。

谁是我的朋友，我很清楚。
对我好的人，我会记住的。

我被你们嘲笑，被你们利用，被你们耍地像猴子一样。
４年了，我真的再也受不了了。

也许这个加拿大的计划是我的使命。
也许这就是剧终的样子了。
但是我觉得这样子我心里会好过一点。

Can't reach out far enough;

2011-05-06T15:10:00.003-04:00

Here's one place that i'm 80% certain you won't see.

I can't even begin to type.
I dunno how i should feel, what i should type.
I literally just stared at the screen, wondering what the fuck i should write.
I guess at some point of time in life, i just happened to FORGET reading the book about what makes a person tick and what makes a person blow.

I would rather shut up then to accidentally make someone else's life a misery.
The whole thing really blew up badly.

I really hope you'd calm down.
As much as i could calm down as well.

I know there's nobody who will sympathize with my situation here, but do you know i feel as much shit as you are now?
I'm not a jackass. I don't intend to make people feel shit.
If i made someone feel like shit, i feel even worse.
I always try too hard to impress people, you said that before. You know.
Don't empathize me.
Just forget the incident and move on.

What would you rather me do?
For me, the disappointment, to leave you, so that you will never be disappointed by me again?
Or for me to continue being your friend, and apologize every time i piss you off?

I really, really don't want to lose you as a friend.
But i don't want to make you feel like shit.
I know what i'm going to do.

Famous Last Words?

2011-04-29T13:11:00.002-04:00

I hate quarrels. That's why i hate relationships.
I wonder when would people stop quarreling.
It's sucks, it fucks up my mood, i don't know what to say or do afterwards.

Sometimes i would try too hard, i admit.
Maybe because this is what i am. Full-grown pessimist and as well as a paranoid.

I WANT TO SAY I DON'T CARE; WHEN IN FACT SOMETIMES I REALLY REALLY DO CARE.

I don't enjoy being alone, but i make do.
I spend most of my days alone, and i make do.
When most of the nights/days i come home, and i want nothing more than silence, i get a screaming parent, but i make do.
I walk out the door, into the night, alone, but i still make do.

Sure i hang out with my friends, and i really love the company.
I do the LOL, the WTF, the LMFAO, etc.
But i always bring my mask with me.
Doesn't everyone do that?

please don't make me give up.
i've lost so many times, and i just want to win once.
please.

P- PS~

2011-04-14T17:35:00.002-04:00

upon rereading my past entry again, i realised i've had a couple of mistakes.

1. You made me glad and thankful that i walked down the aisle and said, yes, i'll join FO Camp 08/09. I think corridor would be more fitting. I wasn't getting married.

2. That post wasn't to say goodbye. Sure, it's the time to move on, but i really pray and hope that we'll still meet up every now and then. Not just the guys, EVERYBODY. For my brothers, i'll make sure every time any of you want to meet up for anything, if i'm not working/studying/doing something important/broke , i'll join you. And i'll probably pester you guys often too.

That's just the way i am.
Annoying, whiny like a little fly :D
Not happy? Swat me.

Anyway....
After the recep, i think it's really time to buck up, and prepare for the plan.
In order to even reach that final plan, i have to strive for it.
Where i've failed, i have to make it succeed.
I know the heavens will always deal me a bad hand, but i've learned, through many experiences, that like a great poker player, i must learn to play that hand to the best i can, all the way to the river.

For the Brotherhood, if you're reading this.
I don't know, and i'm not very confident that all of you will follow the plan, after all, we never know life will hit us with, and sometimes things will spoil the plan. But i do wish that we would be prepared enough to go through with this.

I need you guys to go through with me on this. You all should know that i'm not strong enough.

Times have changed. We're not in secondary school anymore. I know most of us are already mature enough to understand most of i've said. But more is needed to achieve what we want to achieve. Freedom and independence don't come easy. I'm really not quite certain whether some of you are really putting this to task, or you just think it's a silly little joke to play around, " Erm, let's do so-and-so in the future! etc". For me, i take this very seriously. I've considered it, and i thought it would be viable for me.
I'll never stay here for long, and i sure as hell will not die here. If i die here, then it'll mean that the fate has won.

It may be just a dream, but it's a dream that we can fulfill, ourselves. As long as we stay focused and determined.

It's almost time.
Victoria Ventus Paratus.

X21

2011-04-11T19:53:00.004-04:00

Firstly, before anything, i would like to once again say thanks to all who had taken part in celebrating my birthday, and wishing, ESPECIALLY GAIA. You guys are really the awsomest, and thanks for the presents, they're great.

Well, 21.

The number to win in blackjack.
The age when you finally get known as an adult.
No more time for fun and games.

I wished i had done more in my previous years, and maybe even stayed on in school. But to put it bluntly, sucking it up would be my best option. My life had not been a bed of roses, but at least i think i didn't turn up too badly.

I'll keep trying though, even if the going gets worse, because sometimes, you just know that you have to. Life is a broken path; it's for you to walk till the sand is bare, then only can you see the road till the final place.

My goals may be tarnished, my senses may have dulled, but i'll still try.
I may never know what might happen tomorrow, but i was glad, really, that i had the years.

these 3 years, in fact, had really been the happiest and angriest, saddest and most memorable years of my life. i'm really tear-proud that i've known a bunch of guys and girls who i cannot just say, "they're my friends." They're much, way more than that.

GAIA: the most diverse, most compatible, most cool, most badass, most tough, most capable, most determined, most playful, most crazy group of people i have ever been with. But they're also the best.

My wish for this year, is that no matter what wind or storm in my life comes through, i could always look back here and now, and see for myself what a wonderful family i have had this time, my brothers, and my sisters, my enemies and my friends. Please be happy GUYS AND GIRLS. And i dare to hope that in the future, we can come back in some cosy place and talk and i'll listen, just like old times.

You taught me many things.
You made me happy.
You made me tougher.
You made me angry.
You made peace.
You made me survive.
You turned me good.
You made me dream.
You made me do my best that i could, sometimes.
You made me everything.
You made me glad and thankful that i walked down the aisle and said, yes, i'll join FO Camp 08/09.

Great Wall of China is 10000 miles long
Together we build a family
the strongest will have the strongest within
CADC have one hand.

This isn't the end, it's the start of another beginning.

PS: THIS MIGHT LOOK VERY GAY AND AUNTY AGONY-ISH, I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS. BUT I ASSURE YOU THAT THESE ARE WORDS FROM MY HEART. REALLY. I KNOW, THAT MAKES IT GAYER.

(Y) this freaking song.

2011-02-19T06:48:00.001-04:00

i've got nothing interesting to write though.

Updates:

V-day spent alone. with enough cigarettes, luckily.
Working, working... could do with a few more assignments though.
There's something wrong with me; i wonder if i'll die because i didn't go to a hospital for this.
Blue ic finally back, after about 50 trips to ICA.
Spent CNY pre- and 1st day at home sleeping, 2nd night at farris's house. Was happy, at least until monday.
Started Learning Russian: Lesson 1.
Started twitting/twittering. Yay! Another fine way of infinite stalking.
I really, really want to buy a pair of fucking shoes.

Well, i shall bore you at the end of feb, supposedly.

Baby Good Night

2011-02-01T19:23:00.002-04:00

Things aren't really going very well for me this year.
CNY will suck, that's for sure.
More bad things will come my way, i'll have to make sure that i have full use of the days i don't have bad things happening to enjoy before i face the worse days to come.

My road ahead will be full of rocks and thorns, but i will walk hard.
And smoke and drink harder, of course.

Anyway... here's some thoughts.

Sometimes i just sit in front of the laptop and end staring at the wallpaper for too long a while.
The one from the recent camp.

I guess i'm still refusing to accept the truth. That everybody's changing.

And as the song goes, i just don't feel the same.

I mean, yeah sure, i get by along life just fine. But the clinging feeling. The compulsive thought on my face, and unknowingly smiling to myself on the train as i occasionally take the train to Dover. It just says it all.

I can't let go. Even knowing that i'll probably not talk and just hang behind like a ghost, i'd still want to go back to the days we had together.

But the reality is simple. Everyone have already moved on, to each of our different paths. Some worse, some better, some with one pal or two, some with their personal little cliques, some alone.

Once in a blue moon everyone meets up, has a bit of fun, but that's about it, i guess.

You and I know quite well. Nobody's saying it; i myself personally is still living in the past, but it's happening.

But i guess, the great thing about it is that, at least we'll still have things to share, things to talk about, still a few more times of fun together. I've heard of many cliques falling apart; differences that never resolve, and such.

These three years were the best and worse years of my life. Honestly speaking.
A few chances i was given but i never cherished it.
1000 dreams i had but never fulfilled.
And some which i tried to fulfill; but it ended up in a fiasco.
My reputation( if you can call it a reputation) has gone from nobody to average to hated to average to laughing stock to outcast to nobody again.

You can already call me the secret unlockable character.
Like the roadside cigarette butt; oblivious to all who knows, and a comment or two if forced to notice.

But why, still, every time i walk into the club, i start stifling a smile?

Last Muse.

2011-01-01T19:11:00.002-04:00

Long long time since i've posted.

Lots of bullshit happened this period, but i guess i'm kinda okay right now. I may not be okay later, but i'm okay, like now.

This was what i wrote in 2009 >.X
As promised, here are my new year resolutions:

1) Find myself a girlfriend. (I did, but broke up in a month.)

2) Make FO 0910 the most successful one of all time. (In my opinion, it is =D)

3) Get a motorbike license. (Did rode a bike, but didn't touch BTT)

4) Master electric guitar. (Still spoilt in the storeroom, collecting dust)

5) Learn how to swim. (NOPE.)

6) Lie a little bit lesser. (wad do you think?)

7) Cut down on food. (I honestly did.)

8) Get a little bit thinner and hopefully taller. (didn't happen.)

9)Most importantly, be a happier guy! (Still more emo than happy, but well....)

In 2010, i wanted not to fail.
Well, most of you knew what happened.

What's been done is done, and now what's left is to try not to make the same mistake again.
I sincerely wish that all my friends will be happy, and have success in all their endeavors.

Happy New Year guys; have a good time.

Maybe it's the last post; i dunno. But it's really gonna be the last muse.
No more misery, no more muses, just me versus the world.

Small Muse

2010-09-28T00:38:00.003-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Trial.

22 days since i last posted.

Too much to say just yet; going for another interview later on. Maybe i'll catch up tomorrow with a longer post.

You know the story of the man who became a lamppost? He just stood there, while everyone is walking and laughing and working and changing; he just stood still.

I feel like him.

The tagboard looks desolate. Hmm.

Future Muse

2010-09-06T15:12:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day: What will the future hold for me?

23 days since i last posted.

Bad news. Army would PROBABLY wait till next year, which sucks, because it means i have to sit around and do nothing.

I mean, yeah, i could work like a madman, but knowing myself, i'll probably never do that, and never alone. But what my friends are doing are probably correct. Knowing me, I wouldn't dare to share a job with them, because i, being a ridiculously ill-disciplined boy ( i don't even dare to use the word "man"), will drop off work after a while. I'm very ashamed of myself when i do that, and yes, i wish i could be like the rest of the world. Perhaps that is why they don't approach me in the first place; they know me better than anyone else in the world.

But life as a layabout sucks. It makes me feel bad about myself, i want to go to army, and come out and finish my education. You may laugh all you like, and i know it's ironic, but like i said before, i can't do without exams; that feeling that you might pass if you study hard enough the few days before, not having to feel shitty because all of your classmates can either draw better, model better, program better, or is simply way geekier than you can ever be. I remember how fucked up i use to feel whenever i handed up my assignments. There's always someone better than you. Yes, i know this applies to every other diploma as well, but something staring me so straight in the face is really depressing.

I swore to myself that i will not forsake my education; and i will do it. But for how long must i wait, for the day to arrive? The future for me seems so bleak and far away, like a distant dream. And everytime i hear my friends talk about their schools and exams, i just feel so...

...so alone.

Maybe i can tease a while, and say," Haha, i have no exams!", but deep down, the person and i know that who is the person truly be teased. I would have gave anything to switch places with that person, to live a normal enough life, where your parents provide for you, they support you for school, they let you have a room, they give you pocket money, they, in general, feel like your parents.

Please don't get me wrong, i'm not blaming my life, nor my mother, nor my friends. I'm just sometimes jealous. I know you all might say, " Eh, Kenneth, stop complaining like your life is so hard la. You're really shen zai fu zhong bu zhi fu sia. People have worse off lives than you. And you're so blessed to have such good friends, who cares about you. Everything that you are now is because of your own doing. _|_" (I already can think of one person speaking to me exactly like that.)

Well, i'm really sorry that i don't have a comeback to that, honestly. But trade shoes with me for a week, live in my house for a week, be my mother's son for a week, and if you still say the same thing, i would gladly stop complaining for the rest of my life. If it wasn't for some of the greatest friends i've ever seen in my life, I'd already be dead. I'm not joking.

Everything that i have now, is thanks to my friends, and sometimes myself, with a little luck. I still thanks the above for the things i have, and sometimes i pray for a while, hoping that the little fortress i have won't come crashing down. And maybe the future for me would be brighter, just for a little, so that my friends would feel it was indeed worth it, to help a fellow like me, not just doing a act of charity.

I'm just human.

Morning Muse

2010-08-15T20:14:00.006-04:00

Muse Of the Day: Osiris. Was. Right.
Shouldn't have doubted you all along man.

Second Muse Of the Day: Breakthrough
Will i find that 'freedom', finally, after chasing it for so many years?

14 days since i last posted.

Since CMPB wants to give me a few more months as a gift of freedom, i might as well make the best use of it.

Life is still routine, but a nice friend told me that everything in life, including fun, will always become routine.

Trying to dl Fallout 3 and Starcraft II, feel like the Fallout feeling again.

Anyway......

Suddenly feel like doing this, in case i forgot, i can always come back here and look. You all can try guessing who said what. =) Who knows, it might be even you!

Snippets of wisdom by some of my dearest friends:

EG 1:

Another guy: Sian.......... Feel like getting a girlfriend.

Me: Who doesn't?

Friend: You know why you can't and shouldn't find a girlfriend?

Me: I'm single by choice!

Friend: Bullshit.

Me: (Silence)

Friend: Take care of yourself first before trying to find someone to take care of. You can't even support yourself; what gives you the right to support others?

EG2:

Me: I'm going gambling.

Friend: Who?

Me: XXX and XXX lor.

Friend: What's the point of gambling if you don't get back any winnings in return?

EG3:

Me: The thing i want most is freedom.

Friend: Which is what most people also want.

Me: I NEED it.

Friend: Earn it.

EG4:

Me: Hahahaha! You idiotic prick!

Friend: Ahhh..... Just go fuck yourself.

Btw, just finished Inception.

A dream within a dream within a dream.
Isn't it cool if you can escape reality just like that?

Haha.

You say, Time is not a solution but a delusion from reality.
I say, Time is a tool to solve, a weapon to last, and a shield from reality. How you use it defines it.

Last one:

But you're still my queen.

Split Muse

2010-08-03T08:42:00.002-04:00

As a special post i'm going to split this into two: Kenneth and Osiris.

Kenneth:

Muse Of The Day: Fell in love.
The muse says it all.

She's the one. I know it.
No words necessary. Really.
This is not my usual infatuation with any girl.
Don't worry, i won't tell who she is here though, i want to do this properly.
Buy her roses, bring her to movies, tell her she's the very girl i've been looking for.

But the thing is, will i be able to win her from a massive bunch of admirers & suitors?
I just hope that all of you who come to read this post can teach me, cause honestly, (haha) i've never really tried my best to woo a girl before, unless you count secondary school, and that was a fluke.
Don't worry, i know she doesn't know of this blog's existence, but hopefully those who know her can keep your mouths shut.

The rain is out; but i'll carry the umbrella for you =)

Osiris:

Muse Of The Day: Suspicious.
Why?

I'm not agreeing with Kenneth here.
Well, let's face the fucking facts here, guys. Life isn't a fucking fairy tale.
You won't get everything you want in life, trust me.
All that bullshit about, erm, all you have to do is try, if you won't try how would you know, those are all fucking bullshit spawned by those who are already successful to shut the commies up.

Everything is happening too fast. I have too many questions and too many suspicions that everything here is a farce. It's just like Neverland, you know? Except things just aren't that clear cut.
The thing is, i don't think she's that simple.
I'm willing to accept the fact that all that i have suspected is false, but not until i find out what is going on.

Shutter island thought me a very important lesson.
Trust no one; you have no friends.

Even though, i still trust some of my friends, and i have people that i call friends, you must always remain guarded.

Frustrated Muse

2010-07-26T17:01:00.004-04:00

Muse Of The Day: 2nd- Class

Bit by bit, i feel like shit.

Why must i always be second class in everything i do?

Am i not supposed to be treated or respected better by my peers?

This is the lowest point of this week i guess.

I feel like screaming, yet again, but i held back.

It doesn't matter if my friends tease me. It really doesn't, believe me.

It matters because the things they say are true.

I am FUGLY.

I am FAT.

I am a leecher and a PARASITE.

I am intelligent but REFUSE to do anything about it.

I am never going to succeed in LIFE if i keep it this way.

I am UNCOUTH, RUDE, INSENSITIVE and an ASSHOLE to the opposite sex.

Worst of all, I know all of this but i still refuse to change.

Yeap, all of the above are true.

Last attempt to cheer myself up:

Late Night Muse

2010-07-16T16:42:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Beauty
She's so high above me.

Shittier things have had happened before, this one wasn't the worse, believe me. But hey i can finally put the smoking fine incident behind me at last. One less thing to worry about.

17 days since i last posted. Work is fine; sleep, family, finance, health, love, are usual, if not worse. I find routine a chore. Debts are getting a little better, month by month, and i earnestly still harness a hope that within a month or so, i would be able to clear them all.

My social circles are getting smaller by day, not much surprises there, really.... If you can be free of a parasite, why wouldn't you happy? I would.

Let's go on to the muse.

For some reasons, i obviously cannot state the name of the person here, but i guess we could talk about her (or them, depending what you want to believe). But after a sincere long reflection, i can finally put together my thoughts about the matters of the heart, and i really want to rant about random things about her.

1. She's really x132425668534 nice.
2. Her eyes are so captivating, when i talk to her, i look at nothing else but her.
3. I'm really afraid of messaging her, cause i'm afraid it will bother her.
4. She looks even cuter without her contacts.
5. I tease her, cause that's my way of telling her," Hey, i want your attention."
6. I regret all the few times that i do something else instead of being with her.
7. I am in full understanding of the fact that i am financially incapable of supporting her.
8. I will stop smoking if she wants me to.
9. Her picture is the wallpaper of my phone.
10. I hope i can send her home sometime, and we can have long chats, cause i know there's a lot about her i don't know.
11. If she's happy, then it's fine whoever she is with.
12. I knew her for some time, but i lost the chance to be with her because i didn't know her well enough.
13. I know i'm not good enough for her, but i will try to keep her happy in the best ways that i can.

That's about enough for now, but i really hope i can see her again soon. Haha. Peace out.

#157 Muse

2010-06-30T05:01:00.003-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Dazed.
Anger isn't a feeling, it''s an expression.

Still out without a leash for me, too much freedom combined with being broke, you get a very immensely bored person. Army is coming, but not soon enough.

I want to do something worthwhile for a change.

Sometimes i think it really sucks being who you are, don't you think? Some grumble about the way they look, some about the family background, some about how poor or rich(believe me, they do) their parents are.

Well, i suffer from it as well, and as a human, i grumble about it more than you think. But i've learned long ago from a friend of mine, that nobody can blame you for what you are born with, but what you do is what really matters. I didn't really take to him at that time, but then i thought of it another way; Think of it as playing a game, the lesser you're given, the more "imba" you're being thought of if you "own", right? Same thing. I mean, yeah, it may sound a little boastful here, but hey, if it helps me get back to perspective, why not?

I put this up cause lately i see myself and some of my friends around me being mad. If you know me, then you'll know that i never, never stay angry for long( longest period, 2 weeks before i start talking to him/her again). I don't know why, maybe:

1. That person is my friend, i can't bear to let him/her leave me.
2. It's partly my fault, i'm guilty.
3. I've done something like that in the past, staying angry makes me feel like a hypocrite.
4. It's not his fault.

Anger is always okay, but if you let it become hate, then it starts to get nasty here.

Because hatred is believed to be long-lasting, many psychologists consider it to be more of an attitude or disposition than a temporary emotional state. (taken from wiki)

This proves that it's gone from a feeling to an committal act of self-indulgence.

I don't really get why some people can bear a hatred for long. I mean, come on, he didn't kill your whole family, or made you bankrupt, why bear the grudge for so long? It's not helping you either.

So next time you start to hate that person, why not think about forgetting it or him instead?

Oh yeah, do try to leave a msg when u come by here, i miss you all very much. =)

“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”

Long Muse

2010-06-19T00:22:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Listless.
I don't get it, why not just tell me the truth?

Another week has gone by.

I feel that i'm wasting my life away, so i've decided to send in that deferment letter early. I don't care what events that i might want to go, birthdays that i have to attend, or anything else. It just makes sense to me now, that actually, whether i attend them or not, it wouldn't make a difference to me or to them. It might have made a huge difference to me then, but from what i'm thinking now, it just plain doesn't add up. What actually really matters, is the friends that do care, and they will always understand.

Meanwhile, i'll look for a another job to do, so i might increase my personal wealth.

I will always believe that that one sunny day, where i don't have to worry about a single thing, that great day, will either never come, or in my opinion, come when all the fucking shit-top days have gone by me.

Does your day change according to your feelings?

There was one time that i tried to be happy throughout the day. The day started out fine, then got shittier and shittier until finally i got fucking fine from the NEA. That was the last straw. That was when God Almighty above, he does not want me to be happy, or feel happy. Until maybe a point of time when everyone else is happy.

I'm not meant for greatness. Always meant to be a working-class pothead who has a heightened sense of intelligence, and is always, woefully ignorant about the people around me, no matter how hard he tries. I'm not being depressed here, it's the absolute truth. Here's why:

1. Every time i try to do something that i think i'll be good at in front of someone, i always make a fucking mess.
Cooking, playing the guitar, dota, gambling, drinking, whatever. I used to wonder why in the past, but somehow i knew that it's simply because fate will never allow to be proud of myself, because everything i am right now, is put together thanks to the consolidated efforts of the people around me.

2. Whenever i think of something bad that is going to happen, it usually never happens until the point that i forget it, then it crepts RIGHT behind me, and rams me in the fucking nuts. That's why it always hurts more. Then the good things that i think about, of course, it never happens, even if it's something like getting an ice-cream or talking to someone i really like. There's always things like, it's closed, he moved to tampines, she's offline, she's not picking up the phone, she's angry and she's ignoring me, my wallet's lost so i can't go anywhere, my phone mysteriously goes dead, i fell into the drain, so on and so forth.
Dear friend, look at everything that i have written for the past three years, and tell me honestly, do you still think the world is fair? Or am i the true combined being of all the bad karma in the world?

3. I have not a true honest relationship, one that when i like a girl, and she likes me back, cares about me, never lies to me. I know that most people don't as well, but considering that other than a little handful of female friends, the rest who know me, simply just detests me. Maybe it's the way i speak or what i speak out, because as long as she's spoken to me more than a few times, i seldom talk to her ever again. Erm, for this fact here, i believe it's everything to do with me.

When you put this three things together, naturally you get a very lousy and depressed guy. Well, it's long since i've gone counting the things that made me feel like shit, because i just sigh and say, " oh well", and move on to expect the bad thing that will happen. Occasionally, a good thing will pop up and surprise me, but it's not long before something bad would come along and stab me in the back again. Why? Cause,

When i scream, no one hears anymore,
When i fall, no one helps me up anymore,
When i need them, they're not there anymore,
When i try, nothing comes back,
When i don't try, everything bad comes back,
When i don't help, i know very soon something's bad gonna happen,
When i achieve, i feel like i've done nothing at all,
When i am honest, they blame my fault,
When i am not honest, they scold me for lying,
When i pray, nothing happens,
When i am sad, at least there's still cigarettes and booze,

So at least i am granted this little good thing. ( And this is why i will never quit smoking.)

And hey, there's always tomorrow or death, right?

Wrong Muse

2010-06-12T01:52:00.003-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Run away tonight.
I don't fucking believe this.

But right now
everything you want is wrong,
and right now
all your dreams are waking up,
and right now
I wish that I could follow you
to the shores
of freedom
where no one lives.

Fooled me once, shame on you.
Fooled me twice, shame on me.

The Indifferent Muse

2010-06-08T08:41:00.004-04:00

Muse Of The Day: In Motion.
What will happen after this?

Been quite alright, recently. It's like i could finally see some specks of light at the tunnel.
I also regretted my outburst in blog posts was too much, and that i was merely directing my anger at the world to him. He's a far more better person than i am, and... well, i'm sorry.

Yeah, sure, some shit still happens, but then as a friend told me this story, i started to think:

F: Now i want you to accurately describe to me what you are going to do if i asked to go downstairs to get me a coke.

K: Erm.... okay. i would stand up, take my keys, open the door, go down the stairs, drop a coin in the vending machine and get your coke.

F: Okay.

K: You ask for what?

F: No particular reason.

(One hour later)

F: Hey if i told you, let's go on a vacation to Japan in 1 hour. Tickets i buy, what will you do?

K: Go down, flag a cab, go home pack a few things, grab my passport, and cab to airport lor.

F: You no need open door now arh?

See, the thing that he was trying to say was, when you have big goals, the small stuff doesn't matter. I understood why some people could undertake such painstaking obstacles and get it off without a hitch; because to them, the so-called obstacles are nothing but the small stuff, like opening the doors or getting down the stairs.

I may not have any big goals now, but at least now i can picture a trail, a road that i can go to. Well, it's going to take some time, and it's going to be tough, but still i hope i can be as determined as i am this minute. My greatest weakness always has been the lack of willpower, the person who always give up when the hard parts start coming.

I'm now trying to be indifferent, the most neutral feeling i can think of, so to not hurt, provoke, or aggravate anyone dear to me. Just sit, or stand there, nod and smile to anything anyone's saying, and you won't get hurt. Because the thing i realized so far is that i've been trying too hard. In doing what, i do not know. But some people in the world would always misunderstand what you are doing. So to avoid further situations like these, i've decided that these is the best way to go.

I may be sad that some of my close friends may not want me around them anymore, but currently there's nothing really much i could do about it. Yes, i am at fault here, i have no excuses, but i simply cannot stay around and subject myself to be the pinpoint of everyone's emotions. Not based on my faults, see here, but based on their current feelings. Like, oh, i've just broken up today, let's focus my anger on someone here and make myself feel better. I really hate that. It's not my fault that you're feeling like shit here, so don't make me your stress toy. I did it when i was back in freshmen year, and until now i feel it was a shitty thing to do.

And once again let it be known that the entry is not directed to anyone or any clique whatsoever, just a little reflection on my part.

Maybe i'm being an ass, maybe i'm doing this, maybe i'm doing that, one day i and maybe you, my dear reader, will realize that it's never really matters, and it's impossible to please everyone.
As long as you can face up to your conscience, i don't think others can have a say in the long run.

I'll just put up this last question for the few loyal readers out there, think:
What the hell do you think you are working/trying/chionging so hard for?

Graduation Muse

2010-05-20T04:05:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Congrats to all who graduated this week.
Tell Me Goodbye.

still getting worse. left one clique that haven't outcasted me. unlikely they will do the same; known for so long, but then anything can happen.

and i got nothing, nothing to say.

Worst Muse Ever

2010-05-18T05:01:00.003-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Treat somebody else that way.
What the fuck is going on?

Just 24 hours after i said this week is going to suck more than the last one, i just happened to find out that everything i thought was well, turned out to be a big fat fucking lie. A false reality, just like everything else that i've encountered throughout the past week.

I lost possessions the last week, now this week, i lost trust.

Dear blog, you know that i care about other people's comments very much, and it's something that i could never change. Each time i say, " I don't give a shit what other people think.", i actually care a whole lot more. Truth be told, i am a fool, a fool that puts my heart out for every friendship or relationship that lies before me, and then give punched in the heart for being such a fool. Complaining here doesn't really help much, cause the people i'm talking about would never have set foot here.

Somehow, i also know that even if i do all the things that is needed to salvage the situation, it will always remain the same. I'm such an idiot for thinking it can change.
Pegasus, if you're reading this, i think you might have something to say about this.

Open-Closed Muse

2010-05-17T03:46:00.003-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Stop; then replay.
Imagine taking a screwdriver, then pierce it through your chest, pull it out, then do it a couple thousand times.

When i thought last week was bad enough, this week plummeted me straight through the bottom.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

i guess i will have see how bad things will go.

Will you do that, please?
I'm going insane.

Go for Broke? Muse

2010-05-10T04:43:00.003-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Mercy.
Hello, i've waited here for you, everlong.

These few days was the usual. The usual boring things that i do.
The past week was a shitty week though. Let's see what happened:
1) my specs broke.
2) a bird crapped on my head.
3) i got lost in orchard road.
4) i went into the ladies by mistake in AMK hub.
5) my lappie is officially bailing out on me.
6) i wasted 3 hours of my life waiting for something that didn't happen.
7) i didn't go out anywhere on the weekend, when everyone else did.

It's a bit hard to describe how i'm feeling right now, it's something negative alright, but since i'm kinda used to it, i'm wondering what's the next fucked-up thing that is going to happen.
I'm sick of losing stuff.

I thought of going for broke, but my past experiences say that i'm a person who does things without an end. Can i really go for broke? Dear blog, i swear, if the chances comes along, i would run it through, amidst all the blood, all the tears and sweat.

I'm having insomnia, every night. I'm so confused, i have panic attacks, i don't have any idea what i want to do in the future any more. Because my dreams and goals shattered, i know now that everything has its fine print, and that i could never be a designer. I thought of crazy things:
JC- i don't think i can handle jc. The look of the GP sounds like hell on earth.
Banking and Finance- My old 4th choice. But i can't even handle my own finances, would people trust me with theirs?
besides, i may be charged for embezzlement within 3 months.
Mass Comm- My old favorite. But then i might run out of creative juices and interest in the future.
Culinary Arts- I might just eat up all the food i make.

This is driving me nuts. Fuck this. I'm meeting my old school homies on sat, hope they can help me out. Anyone with a decent idea of what i could do in the future?

Maniac Muse.

2010-05-05T05:25:00.003-04:00

#1: Yup, you don't, cause you're an asshole.
#2: do i think that you're really rich and you get pocket money? YES guess what. I DON'T. AND NOT EVERYONE GETS IT TOO, FUCKTARD. you do, so be grateful. i don't spend much on other stuffs, cause i barely have enough to spend.
#3: Wow, that just scared the crap of me.
#4: I have some free time today, and by doing this, now i have none.
#5: please do not imply that again. it's irritating and it gets on my nerves. I'm trying to be reasonable here, and someone even made me believe that your account got hacked. By the way, the phrase, " Please think" are for people who are mature enough to reprimand me. YOU ARE NOT. so there you go.

Dude, you make me feel very disappointed about you.

Fucked-up Muse

2010-04-26T21:07:00.003-04:00

"you think i so free lah? please lah think then say. i'm fucking listening to my lesson you retard."

"and if you want to war come my profile war. don't write on DHAS say i delete your post. diams."

erm. this is the worst post that i've seen my entire fb life.
#1 : I'm not actually serious in my post. Does "Rawr" imply seriousness to you? Come on, you don't even sound serious in the beginning.
#1a: Btw, if it does, then dude, i'm sorry i said u deleted my post.
#2: You fucking think i damn shuang about not having lessons? Really? Is that how you think i feel? Man, and i thought you were a friend.
#3: You are a fucker in implying that i am so free. I have just done my fucking night shift and it's damn tiring. You on the other hand, are fucked-up rich, and you get pocket money, so you probably dunno how i live.
#4: I don't really go around saying shit in other peoples' profiles.
#5: What the fuck is a profile war? Do people really do that?
#6: By reading this two posts you just fucked up my morning.

If you think you're correct, by all means come back with a reply. Tell the world.
I don't really want to do a say-all in facebook, cause that would be fucking immature.
Remember, i'm not expecting an apology, i just want you to know how i feel.
I know my style, I'll probably forget about it after a while. He won't even come here anyways.

Drunk Muse

2010-04-25T04:59:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Rawr.
I have no idea whether am i in a conscious enough state of mind to write.

When days become weeks then months, i found out that i really do care for you. Even if one day, you never talk to me anymore, i will still treat you the way i did all along.
When did we drift apart? I never saw it coming, i guess. All i knew at that time was that we would remain the best of friends till the day i die.

If i ever made you disappointed, i'm sorry. I really, really am. If i could turn back time, i would never have done all these things. If i could do anything to make it like before again, i most fucking definitely would. Now it's too late to regret. You used to tell me your problems; now you barely even talk to me. It sucks, but somewhere inside me, i'm happy that i know you're doing alright.

You, along with the few others, were the best friends i've made ever since i came to poly.

New skin+ Thoughts Muse

2010-04-19T07:09:00.004-04:00

Muse Of The Day: None.
I'm sad, but at least now i can't go any further bottom.

Today was supposed to be the first day of school.
I can't attend it, because now i have no school.

Well, i kept this in mind for quite a while now,

Reasons to be mad:
*No one asks me to club anymore.
*I failed after failing, how great is that?
*Nothing's going to change; things will always get worse.
(I can't do shit about those drifted friends i used to hang out)
Reasons to be depressed:
*I'm officially only an "O" Level graduate.
*I'm going to shave my head and earn $400 bucks a month soon.
*I'm lonely sometimes because there is no one to talk to.
*I still haven't learned swimming or my 2B license.
*I'm scared that i'd drift away from all my friends.
*My dreams and goals are momentarily shattered.
*Not sure.
(When i see my friend's inboxes and i figure that they sms each other all the time, i look at my own inbox and see that it's empty.)
Reasons to be happy:
*Army life may come as a good thing.
*I will come back to school and get my fking diploma this time.
*When i dream of the future, it is actually very comforting.
*When i think of the memories we had, it makes me smile.

20th Muse

2010-04-11T03:04:00.000-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Happy Birthday to Me
Edited Version.

I'm 20 and one day old today.
Probably means that starting from yesterday, i am now an adult.

Again, thank you all so much for all the wishes, i realllllllly appreciate it.

To GAIA, the present was really nice, thanks a lot.

Don't really have much to say, cause there's a lot of mixed feelings inside me right now.

Lyrics Muse

2010-04-10T04:44:00.000-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Songs that mean.

Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...

And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...

So many
Bright lights, that cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

These bright lights have always blind..ed me
These bright lights are always blind..ed me
I say

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Watch Muse

2010-04-07T04:21:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Shock
It's like, really shocked to the bone.

My watch strap from the CADC Month's lucky draw snapped into two today.
Don't how it happened. It just went with a "pop" in the middle of nowhere when i was writing the stock take earlier.

This must mean a bad omen; something's gonna happen.

Vince Muse

2010-03-20T08:29:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day: Falling Out.
Slowly drifting away from the crowd, and it's none fault other than mine.

Firstly, lemme apologize to Vince and G.A.I.A, for not attending today, even though i promised i would. I feel very guilty about this, so perhaps i would go down on my own tomorrow. After all, i do have a few words to say to you personally.

But then again, who gives a shit, right. I'm just another burden.

laptop muse

2010-03-15T16:52:00.002-04:00

why am i using my friend's laptop, while mine sits right beside me?
that's because my laptop is actually a a piece of crap.
correction: a spoiled piece of crap.
one fine day when i get another lappie, i'm going to take a mallet and fucking SMASH it into tiny little electronic parts.
fucking smash it and i swear i'll never, never buy acer stuff ever again.

fear of a muse

2010-03-15T16:41:00.002-04:00

Muse of the Day: Scared.
i'm really scared, of failing, of not able to finish what i have done, of being alone, most of all, of losing all of you.

I know that i am a jerk. That is a proven fact.
I'm still learning how to be nice, but it's actually quite hard.
I am still too dependent on my friends, but i'm trying to change.
Everything that i did, i don't want to do it again, because of the fear.
However, because of the things that i've done, i'm now facing the punishment for it.
Whatever will come, will come. And you must be ready to face it when it comes.
I know that i've said that i'm prepared, but deep inside me, i'm really really scared.

I just want someone to tell me that it's all going to be alright, you know?

I'm feeling so alone. So, so, alone.

V-day Muse

2010-02-14T13:00:00.002-04:00

Muse of the Day: My Heaven
Just one more time, come to my side, smiling like those times.

Ah.... i'm so glad that i'm celebrating V-day alone for the 20th time this year.
It's been a while since i thought of it. But then who am i to complain?
So many of my friends are spending it alone as well, some of whom are much more
eligible than me.

Hopeful thoughts come to me now... that by the end of this week i would have finished most of my assignments and projects. And maybe for once studies are outta my mind.
To all of my friends as well, the steps to the holidays may be far and difficult, but remember, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Jiayou for the end!

Dark Clouds Muse

2010-01-31T17:38:00.006-04:00

Muse of the day: All the dark clouds are on my side now.
am i lost, or am i just alone?
Nothing much to post about this week.
Let me try giving a gauge about my current life:

Relationships: 0/10 (No need, or no mood?)
Hate me or love me, in the end i'm still going to take all the shit that people throw at me, carry it on my back, and continue walking.
Money: -10/10 (Overdue everywhere)
Call me incompetent, but i realised long ago, that the world is not going start spinning in reverse just because I did.
Study: 5/10 (trying my best)
I know nothing can spoil our relationship farther, but i'm always that guy you knew before, and i will never change. Now i just hope you don't change.
BOARD GAME AND FLASH GAME!

Sunset Muse

2010-01-22T13:41:00.002-04:00

Muse of the day: Last Farewell.
I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but i have to let you see the worst of me.

felt great this week; managed to catch up with on most of my work.

now, i feel as light as a bird, and it IS true that you can do if you wanted to, and boy, does it feel awesome!

Well, in case anyone of you wants to know, i'm officially single again, and i hope during this time, i have grown to be a little more mature about everything, even if i am a crazy little childish fellow, who once didn't know anything about love.

I used to believe that i understand love and relationships a lot, but i realised that i was very naive about it. Well, so much for being a "Theoritical" expert on love. But what i want to say is, to all the boys and girls out there, try your best to fall in love as much as possible now, cause pardon me for saying it, but mostly it's going to end sooner or later isn't it?

I know what i'm saying is cruel, but it's sort of a fact, no?

Well, you can't force love, and that's that.

The other great thing is that, i have this "free" feeling that i didn't use to have in the past. In the past, the silly me would keep having all this stupid crushes(infatuations) on people who just treated me a little bit nicer. It's like what the fuck lols. It's not beneficial to anyone that way.

Now i feel very clear, which now i could safely say that i don't have anyone inside my heart, even you, my longest love.

I remember the times when we used to go to school together and that was the best time of my life.

2010-01-11T05:21:00.002-04:00

Muse of the day: Time's running out.
No more time left to drizzle and dazzle.

I have to come in terms that at some point of time, everything will come to an end.
And when that comes, i must be ready to step into the next part and continue with life.
Ready or not ready, time waits for no man.
For me, the clock is just ticking faster and faster.

new year muse

2010-01-03T21:17:00.003-04:00

Muse of the day:
New year, old me.

since this is the first day of school again, i would like to start by wishing everyone a happy 2010!

*apologizes for not updating blog =D

wow, so much things happened to me during this few weeks, i don't even know what to say. Yet, unseemly, even as i realize the things that happens to me, i know that these things are so insignificant, to the point sometimes i wish i could do away with it.

i wish i wasn't hit by that particular "tornado", and was also ashamed that i didn't replied in the fashion that i wanted myself to all along.

well, since it's a new year and all,
i aim to become to a better man, one who never falls in the midst of all the obstacles that life puts in front of me;

a better friend, one who always stand by his friends in times of need;

and a better student, by NOT failing this year.

bounce.

you and i know that we've got a problem. why not end it for good?

2009-12-21T14:41:00.002-04:00

Muse of the day:
修羅道 Asura path
am i the one?

whirlwind of events this weekend.

by the way, wavehouse sucked ass.
honestly, what the hell was going on that night, i have no idea.

baby, let's try.

second muse

2009-12-18T12:04:00.002-04:00

Muse of the day:
人間道 Human Path
as a human, formed by earth, i never understand why we have to struggle so hard.
intercons almost ending now.

well, i guess the fact remains that i have to buck up, and finish all what i have in mind.

maybe it's also time that i need to settle down.

i've got a question; why do people have to struggle so much in life just to end their lives in old age?
the path of the human starts with birth, then education, then work, marriage, finally death.
what i'm curious is, why does all people go this path? is it necessary to follow this path in life?
why work like a slave in order to go through their own lives?

responsibility?
duty?
guilt?
or simply just following the motion?

Six paths of Pain muse

2009-12-15T14:56:00.005-04:00

For the friends, enemies, brothers, sisters, lovers and haters;
This is the start of the Six paths of Pain.

Muse of the day:
餓鬼道 Preta Path
Like a hungry ghost, too fast and too haste; thou shalt plunge eternal to the yawning pits.
In charge of taking the intercons now.
Too hot, until my face is now sunburned, can't do much about it, except to whine.

Lately i've only been able to whine, not much.
i want to help all those who are in need of consolence; but the one who needs the help is me.
who is the ghost now?

shakespeare once said that love is but a weapon, only to pierce through the heart of every soul, until minds break down.
how true is this?

2009-12-12T03:28:00.007-04:00

Muse of the day:
Baby, jebal geuui soneul japjima.
I just don't wanna be alone.
bored. might post more later.

holidays muse

2009-12-10T15:26:00.003-04:00

Muse of the day:
empty or filled?
Is it me or just everyone i know seems to lead a better life?

well, it's the holidays again!
Aren't you guys happy?

Let's see what i'm planning:
1. learn korean to the point i can understand shows without subs i hope?
2. be a good senior?
3. have fun?
4.work?
5.do nothing?
6.learn swimming so that people will shut up?

hmm... >

let's see then.

oh yeah by the way, i'll praying for all of my friends good results and better grades =)

have you all gotten used on how to use this blogskin's interface yet?
if yes, can give me a tag =D thankeess X.X

argh i miss you so much

timeforchange muse.

2009-12-09T02:42:00.002-04:00

changed blogskin.

can't really post a lot right now, my mind's just gone blank.

keep on hating the world; and the world hates you back.

The sick muse

2009-12-06T12:12:00.004-04:00

Muse of the day: sick
argh, feeling a million headaches and fever not going down.

these few days were quite hectic. i want to find some time down and relax, no loud music or loud people, just me, myself and I.

btw, butter factory wasn't too bad, just 2 very memorable things happen. One, i was temporary fixated by that silly little television and didn't really care for the clubbing mood. If i didn't remember wrongly, it was showing HBO in the 1960s- 1980s, with casablanca and Battlestar Galactica.
Two was a little more memorable, cause it was too unbelievable to be true.

powerhouse on the other hand, was by far the most crowded place i've ever seen. Damn it, ever time we got into the mood, someone had to come squeezing their big asses across. Very loud too.
I like DJ Kzee, he has quite a good vibe.

can't wait for 19th to arrive.

spingbreak muse =D

2009-11-29T07:42:00.004-04:00

Muse of the day:
Best night ever at Wavehouse Sentosa.
had fun, met up with old friends, made new ones.

people there were wild that night.
managed to catch up with the events too, so didn't miss anything.
but for the weekdays must try to catch up with work.
i still got a ton of things done, but not printed yet.

one of the few hundred pics we took. thanks wan zhuo!

shuana looks super demanding -.-!

promised minglei would come back nx week. WOOTS!

Night Muse

2009-11-24T17:06:00.002-04:00

Muse of the day:
winner, winner, chicken dinner.
and i'm the humble loser.
i'm too, a creature of the night. i love the night, just like my best mate.

however, in his case, he would be more of a "resider" whereas i would be a "wanderer".
The reason i love the night, especially the wee hours of the dawn, is because of the ambience of relaxation and "freedom", in a way that i cannot explain.

I've spent many a night alone towards midnight, and i no longer fear the dark skies. In fact, i relish the feeling of being alone out in the night, as i sit down somewhere and smoke a cigarette, and listen to whatever song that i have in mind. Whether it's Jimi Hendrix, or Eric Clapton; GNR or Led Zep, Bertie Higgs or Daniel Powter, whatever the mellow songs are, they are what i call the "night songs".

If you, my dear reader, would take a closer look at my posting times, you would realise that my posts are more commonly done in the night, especially from 2-6am. Why? Simply because i 'muse' at these periods, rather than give off some dumb crap post, i provide true genuine, realistic reflections that i myself would find entertaining to read when i come back in the future, perhaps when the days arrived when i find myself more mature.

My days are not spent foolishly, though. Daytime is the period where i socialize, as most humans do, it was in the recent years that i realised that i had to socialize in order to keep up within a community, or even the society. Don't you agree that the fact that you have to make friends makes you a community animal already. I've always put it as a sad truth, but alas, i know that this is something that cannot be avoided.

Well, my readers, whether you are a light creature or a night creature, both have their own traits and instincts. Overall, i'm more inclined to the night.

Gif Muse

2009-11-22T09:44:00.002-04:00

i'm starting to really like gifs... kept searching for imba ones on the net.

here are some really nice ones.

i nearly spat out my food when i saw this too.

flasher? (ok this one wasn't that funny after all)

fuck yeah!

will continue to add tmr in school =D

double muse.

2009-11-22T06:16:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day:
love

sentinel dota hero builds ~~hopeless~~ clueless

didn't really have anything to write about this.
just that i feel that it's pointless to continue this facade. or is it?

I gotta feeling...

2009-11-22T06:11:00.002-04:00

Muse Of The Day:

~~crappy~~ shittiest night ever.

i gotta feeling, that last night was a shit night, that last night was a shit shit night.

was like wtf+ omg+ everything else...

but it could be worse, i guess.

and i need to control my anger i suppose.

blogskin finished

2009-11-17T18:19:00.001-04:00

arhs. finally finished my blogskin... starting to get a little pissed over the girly old one.

this one looks more man.
btw, do you know that i created the background myself? from photoshop; *shakes my own hand.

better go to sleep, lecture tomorrow.

again & again

2009-11-17T16:03:00.002-04:00

Muse of the Day:
friends over lovers.
it's only great if both are the same thing; but not when she's the friend not the lover.
I know this sounds stupid, but it's all happening again, and again.

Well, at least the good news is that
1) they're finally replying me.
2) Mnet Asian Music Awards on saturday.

=)

2009-11-12T14:52:00.003-04:00

Muse of the day:
Mask.
Behind the smile hides the pain; i wear the jester's mask, because i don't want the world to know me.

it's been quite a while, and i still see no change in my current predicament. Is he testing my resilience? Is that it? Is that why he is doing that? Haven't he seen enough before school started? Why bring extra stress to me?

It sucks being what i am now, except it's a little bit better cause now, at least i've got my lappie back, and two, i actually have something to do now. I pray most earnestly that he returns what i had in the first week.

I will not fail this semester, i swear. Even if this course is not what i want now for my future, i'm still going to do something about it. When the moon disappears behind the cloud and the sun rises again, i know that at least i'm not totally useless... at least i can have this ounce of determination that i've learned from 6 months ago.

I admire a lot of people in CADC... i'm not going to say who, but there's really a lot of them... things about them that i don't have, and i'm always the one being cussed at. Things like a quick mind or consistency, or mental strength, or adaptability, or even things like good dota skills sets me apart... cause i know that i won't go that far; not anymore.

Well, the emo posts aside, i really enjoy this time with them together, and by putting up a silly face or a stupid antic always keeps them in stitches. Hahaha.... just thinking about them makes me smile.

2009-11-05T18:31:00.008-04:00

Muse of the day: cold.

i'm so lonely that it's breaking my heart apart.

2009-11-05T18:11:00.002-04:00

been busy with school these few days.... until today when i meet yet another obstacle in my path again.

some people blog about their daily lives; i don't see a reason to tell the whole world what you ate for lunch or whenever you give so much as a fart.

some people blog about their idols; that's okay, i guess... but it won't about you, it's just another fanblog.

i prefer to blog about my thoughts and feelings, as they change everyday; as i mature and grow, my thoughts grow as well. and it's in these late nights when i smoke cigarettes and listen to Bertie Higgs and muse about life's different matters.

after so many years of living with the fact that God is with you always, i feel that my life is actually a like a board game. with every step i take, someone rolls a dice, and the future that i was so sure of changes in an instant; and at that point of time, i am forced to immediately make a decision, which then affect my future, which will change again. There's always something in my mind that i have to worry about, and that worries me, as a whole. today, God rolled the dice again.

Constanine says," God's a kid with an ant farm."

I prefer to put it as," God is my most trusted best friend who is a fortune teller which i cannot see and always does the unexpected."

Funnily enough, all the while he never lets the things i expect happen, except for the things that i expect not to happen.

well, i've made up my mind. and maybe it will change again but at least this will pull me through for a day or two i guess?

i understand finally, what u meant by saying everyone look down of me and make fun of me ; and i can't flare up at them cause they're right.

2009-11-01T21:25:00.004-04:00

finally finished HTI homework yesterday; also watched entire season of Girls Go To School- SNSD... managed to catch on a bit of studio... finishing it tomorrow.

this song came out around the same time as Sorry Sorry; i like this song because it's so mellow even though it has a "pop" feeling in it... although i don't half understand what they're singing, i'm the same way as the song.

2009-10-31T17:52:00.003-04:00

zzz.... i was doing my HTI homework in the morning when it was seconds after that i realised that i copied and pasted my HTI blog's template on my own blog's template... i quite liked the old template.... sians. wasted 2 hours doing up a new one, complete with everything else.

now i have to go back and do my real homework.

do you think that this new blog looks like a girl's?
especially the song list.

2009-10-23T15:40:00.003-04:00

on hindsight..... i forgot to say....

erm the one above looks a bit wacko... some people with peculiar expressions....

this is much better...

I LOVE GAIA!

2009-10-23T15:34:00.001-04:00

arhs.... a week has past from school and i am so proud to say that i have not missed a single lesson =D; the fact that i've been appearing in the entire week should be quite miracle, huh?

for this semester i promise to:
1. do something about my 2B license.
2. attend any physical activity as long as ANY of my friends 'chio' me for it. that includes all kinds of exercises/sports.
3. learn korean.
4. complete learning how to dance sorry sorry. =))
5. complete all my work.

LETS WORK TOWARDS THESE GOALS YEAH!

2009-10-20T04:03:00.002-04:00

Hello!

So for such a long delay in posts. As you all know, my lappie was sent to the service center for a month... so no choice arh.

19/10/09 marks 2 very important events in my current life.

let's talk about the simpler issue. the first is that my laptop offically died. kaput. there was nothing, that i could take back from the main drive. the 'D' drive was full of bullshit that i kept. I was so sad yesterday, that i didn't know what to do. i tried extracting, memory transition, etc, etc. But all to no avail. The partition was crushed beyond repair and 'C' drive was caught in the wave. So although my laptop looks the same, under this same, is a brand new soul. so i have to say goodbye to:

2900+ songs, some include old songs that was specially gotten through iller means.
20GB worth of CADC photos, from F/O 0809 all the way till now.
My old work, photoshop and flash.

So here's a tribute to my laptop, who stayed with me throughout this 1&1/2, kept me entertained through the most boring hours, kept me warm through the coldest nights, kept me connected to the world, even if for the little while.

The other was of course, coming back to school. 'nuff said.

I MISS SCHOOL SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally, the nightmare is over.

2009-09-30T05:33:00.003-04:00

i just came to know the news regarding Vincent today.

i'm so sorry vincent, you don't deserve this at all.
really don't understand what happened, or how it happened.
i'll miss you.

will somebody tell me what the fuck actually happened???

2009-09-22T15:02:00.003-04:00

my laptop's still at the service center, so it's considered a great bore.

i came across a big problem a few days ago; it wasn't a huge surprise, i knew one day she would "erupt", but still i was inevitably stressed.

i've been brooding this few days, and wondering how my life would be after a few more months.

what if i don't get the scholarship back?? would i still be able to go back to school this way?

i really want to force myself to pull together for once; but the body just wouldn't move, like it used to. like it should.

i can feel it, everytime i do something, like dota, or basketball, or even looking for a job, i have this "tired soul" feeling inside me, like i simply don't want to give in my best anymore. is it because that i do not care anymore if i won or lost? i'm still lethargic that i really can't pick up a interest to do anything.

that's why mum quarrelled with me.

will i be able to do it like in the stories? pull through and succeed in this last moments of the long period that i've failed?

or will it just remain the same?

like him, i've started to do this for most of the time i have alone.

someone tell me the answer.

#104

2009-09-10T15:50:00.003-04:00

it's been a while that since that day my friends went away. but i thought we had one of the best weekends ever before they left. like they used to say, one last show.

friday nite: got too bored, so went over to lester's house. chionged dota until morning... didn't really sleep. plus really pissed at SAM CAUSE HE BADMOUTHED ME BEHIND MY BACK... (just joking, take it easy=D) and i saw an old friend on that day... she looked prettier than she used to look... Nu Ren 18 Pian...

saturday noon: sakura buffet. (not commenting)
saturday evening: actually wanna accompany lester go kaki bukit de... but oscar and nick jio us go PartyWorld. Oscar personally ensured that i never wanna go there alone or worse, with anyone again... but... i played my part too...

saturday night: chionged dota all night long. an unexpected guest arrived too. was so fucking tired that i couldn't care lesser when i died.

sunday dawn: sent fellow brothers Edmund, Nick, Lionel, Nigel, JunYi and fellow others off. When they left, i felt really really sad. not just for them, but for me. i never went anywhere further than malaysia before... and i really wanted to see the world, since young.

when will this dream come true?

2009-08-25T13:48:00.002-04:00

it's autumn already.

i really feel that time has all passed us by, and that nothing we could do is ever going to take it back.

some things i regret, some things i hate, some things i've learnt.

my life now is very boring, and there is nothing that i could update about.

except:

1. i've taken a task from my best friend, that is to help this kid, Jiayao, to score a pass for his maths for his streaming this year, or else, he would go back to china. Problem is, he cannot comprehend, interpret or remember a single word of english that i or my best friend teaches him, so i dunno what to do to help him. Worse, he gets bored easily. My best friend tried to use the "gentle teacher" skill on him, no use. So, now it's my turn to use the "gangster teacher" technique on him, cause it's for his own good. Hope it helps.

2. i've also taken a job from my godfather at the shipyard. His crew and i drives around to buildings everywhere to service transformers. The riser room is always so goddamn dusty that every time i blow my nose after working, the mucus is always black. BLACK. But it's a very experiencing job, and now i've become a little more learned in the EEE section.

3. I'm going back to school in 1 month ++ time. Hopefully i don't screw up this time.

4. Some of my friends are going for OITP soon. Really going to miss them though.

I really wanna learn the saxophone, so one day i can sit at the clarke quay river and play for tips.
Ahhh... the thought of it makes me smile.

2009-08-14T13:59:00.001-04:00

I've always believed that

WHATEVER DOES NOT KILL YOU, ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER.

2009-08-04T04:34:00.005-04:00

this week has been weird.

i got sick once, headache twice, scolded thrice, and broke countless.

I was always thinking of the one day that i could have in my life, whereby i wake up and there isn't a thing in my mind to worry about, and that i could do whatever i want. just walk pleasantly to cook breakfast and shower and then relax. nothing else.

I also wondered when was the last time i have felt that way.

grad night has been wonderful, thanks to the welfare comm.

I realised that as a person i have been too stupid to know that there are people in the past that i
have overlooked with a passing glance. and that there was this one girl that i have let go due to my foolish and cowardly self.

I probably haven't told you about secondary school life, huh?
When i was in school, i had few friends. but however few, we were very very close.

I never had the guts to talk to a girl. And i cooed and gushed everytime one of them smiles at me.
What a douche. My friend was sick of it, ask him.

I met this girl when i was in sec 2. That was when i knew she was the one. but i just didn't realise that she was the one my friend was eyeing for a long time too.

I didn't actually betray him, you know. Here's what happened.
He hooked me up with her after that, and we became friends. Then we never got farther than that. My friend accompanied her to school once and suggested that i do the same. I was sac-less, but my friend went there with me, to under her block, to just say," Hey, what a coincedence, let's walk to school together." My friend was hidden badly at first storey. I thought," I'm such a total stalker."

I forget about the details, JM, can fill me up?
So, anyway, we got caught and she never forgave us for that.
I remember her saying one day, " Hey, Kenneth, can stop coming to my class or not? My friends are starting to gossip liao." That was the killing blow. I never went to her class after that.
My friend took revenge 3 months later by lying to her that i called her a bitch and insulted her family, which by total coincedence was the thing she detested to most.

She forgave me after 6 months when the Pope died. My friend lost interest after the revenge and went finding other girls. I pretended to lose interest.

Year after year, she was topping school and CCA, while i was failing and falling. But every occasion that she was more than a little sad or happy, i was there. Not to do anything except stand there as a lifeless sentinel. Could i have done something?

I remember when i was in sec 4 she graduated but failed to get the results she deserved. After all ,what she got was considered lousy in the top class of the top school in Yishun. She cried. My buddies egged me on to go offer a tissue and a shoulder to cry on. I managed to give the tissue after silently tapping lightly on her shoulder countless times. I wouldn't even have the tissue if my friend, who had the habit of having a pack of tissue in his breast pocket every day. It was the most embarassing/regretable thing i have ever done in my life.

When i finally grew some balls in sec 5 Valentine's day, i bought her something and wanted to go to her usual place at 5 plus at the interchange, but due to late class, when i reached the interchange the bus just went zoomed off, even after running all the way from school and sprinted like Usain Bolt the second the bus door opened. I was devastated when my friends found me. I guess it was fate.

I chose watching over her like a statue, for 5 years, rather than to do something. I may sound like a hero of a movie, but i swear if i could do it again, i would have hugged her tightly and never let her go. Oh, how i wish i could do it again.

Then the time began to pass, and i found other girls, and yes, i began straying down the path, but i could not bear to love another girl, and i could never do anything like that again. Once the wind have passed a place, it could never return to the place again.

I think that what i've learned from that show the most.

2009-07-24T14:55:00.003-04:00

Hey everyone, long time no see, been busy lately, so didn't have time to blog.

I FINISHED BOYS OVER FLOWERS, FINALLY!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!

I must admit, it's a great show. serious.

serious to the point that i actually thought i went partially gay for like an hour after the show.

i went on and put up the F4 guys as my wallpaper and thought it looked awesome.
then later on i felt guilty about it cause it was really gay so i took it down. =(

Okay.... time to tell out who i think is the best guy of F4 and why.

Starting from the 4th =)

4. Song Woo Bin/ Akira Mimasaka

I liked him a lot. Really. I just think he's a poor dude. Given a little more than cameo role. Haix.
Come on, don't argue, look, just look!

We didn't see his house.
We didn't see his love interest.
All we saw was him getting drunk and Kim Bum scolding him.
Other than that, it was all, " Yo buddy whaz up!"

i feel for you, man.

Marks: 7/10

3. Goo Jun Pyo/ Tsukasa Domyoji

When i first saw him in the series, i could have sworn i wanted to give him a ass-whopping.
The curly hair sucked.
The violent behaviour against girls sucked.
The sense of ultimate confidence and pride to the point that it was arrogance sucked.
He's even afraid of bugs!!!

But... i have to admit that he did a lot of things to help the girl and proved to me that he's worth being the catcher. And anyway if i say anymore, lots of girls are gonna flame this post.

No hard feelings, eh, Min Ho?

Marks: 8.5/10

2. So Yi Jung/ Sojirou Nishikado

I've got to admit, that he really, really, is the man.

I could feel for him, that sense of deepest sadness, when i saw that his father was a flirt, and his family was in shambles, and everyone dumped the family business to him. Worst, he missed his shot at his first love. He started wearing the same mask that his father wore, the one of a playboy, one of a smooth and suave bad boy, when he's still the passionate and sad child hidden in him. Plus, he always looks like he's 15.

Good job, Ga Eul. For snatching that potter boy.

Marks: 10/10

1. Yoon Ji Hoo/ Hanazawa Rui

The shining white knight.
The best friend i would gladly give anything to have.
Geum Jan Di's famous firefighter.

If such a man exists in this world, well, he really would be godsent.

Where could you find a guy who:

has the inate ability to arrive in front a girl who is in trouble, anywhere, anytime, like Visa?
has the power to keep cool under 15 years of loneliness?
can play almost any instrument in the world?
likes a girl but gives her to his best friend who liked her just as much?
still have to console her whenever you know she's feeling down?
is the sweetest guy i have ever seen?
and worst, is so handsome, i swear it looks drawn.

He's the best guy ever. period.

Marks: 132897439021754321483210894329813647386243678204362/10

But my favorite female in the story... well, i could tell you next time. My hands are tired. =)

PS: i think either i'm going gay, or i'm going crazy.

2009-06-27T13:26:00.002-04:00

today, i dedicate my post number 99 to a person we all respect and love.

Michael Jackson collapsed into cardiac arrest at 12:32 pm Pacific Daylight Time on June 25, 2009. Later that day he was pronounced dead at 2:26 pm Pacific Daylight Time.

I was a great fan of him. Really. Was about to post yesterday if not for my internet got cut.

Jackson 5 member.
Singer & Dancer.
Sex & Drug Abuser.
Phidophile.
Legend.

I prefer to remember him as the last word.
As all the wise men would say, " Ah, thou sayest the good die young"

James Marshall Hendrix: November 27, 1942 – September 18, 1970
Elvis Aaron Presley: January 8, 1935 – August 16, 1977
Robert "Bob" Nesta Marley: February 6, 1945 – May 11, 1981
Sid Vicious: 10 May 1957 – 2 February 1979

Really, let's see whose gonna die next.
Is it Eric Clapton or Madonna? BB King or Britney Spears?

Let's see.

2009-06-18T15:13:00.002-04:00

I re-read everyone's blog last night, and when i woke up this morning, i remembered that i was dreaming about a lot of things. All of the world's wonders and joy, then finally the pain.

To comprehend the true meaning of pain.

*To realize the pain of a millisecond:
Ask a lover about his other life dying in front of his eyes.

*To realize the pain of one second:
Ask a driver whose wife DIDN'T survived the car accident.

*To realize the pain of one minute:
Ask a victim of a poisoning incident.

*To realize the pain of one hour:
Ask the victim of rape.

*To realize the pain of one week:
Ask the father of a child with a weak heart.

*To realize the pain of one month:
Ask an Iraq mother about her 3 sons out to war.

*To realize the pain of one year :
Ask a cancer patient.

*To realize the pain of one lifetime :
Ask a mass-murderer on his last night.

I've read this in a book from a philosopher named Nietzsche. I really like this phrase.

"Did you ever say yes to a pleasure?

Oh my friends, then you also said yes to all pain.

All things are linked, entwined, in love with one another."

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."

Maybe i am too immature, maybe i'm too young, maybe i'm just too childish.
Maybe you're correct.

I don't think that i am.
I believe that whatever i'm saying is not exactly right.
All i want is to set your minds thinking.
My posts are not answers, they're questions.
Question yourself, then tell me the answers.
I yearn not for opinions, but for intelligence, higher than any man on earth, so that one day i could look out someday on the sunrise, and tell myself, " I've the answers to life's questions, now is the time to spread them."

2009-06-09T09:41:00.004-04:00

to all of you, guy or girl, regardless of status or position, i put to you:

A long time ago, someone once told this;

a country survives because of the laws it holds; people fear the law and thus obey it. they don't speak out, so they follow.
a family survives because of the bond it shares; people of the same blood try to flow together. they follow, so they speak out.
a community survives because of both; people try to flow together and obey the laws. they make the choice to follow or speak out.

so are we a country, a family, or a community?

to my one of my best friends: the job of a leader is to lead, not to read; you either leave a hero, or stay long enough to see yourself become a villain.

i believe in my community, therefore i see myself reclused from the midst of my once-dear friends. my presence may be occasional, but i will always yearn to know more about the happenings, because as a current sidewalker, i may view things clearer than you all. however, any anger or hatred to me or anyone in particular should be made known to person in particular as well because all the hate in the world, in my belief, come from just one tiny seed of misunderstanding.

if we speak up, we would get h~~urt~~ealed. get ~~mis~~understood. get sympath~~ostrac~~ized.

if you want to wipe up someone else's tears, wipe your own first.

anger is human, forgiveness is divine, hatred is sin.

i stand, on the grounds of neutrality, neither for one side or the other.
but i will always pray for this to be over someday.

To the person who name could not be here any longer because that person in particular asked me to remove it:
when they said " let's move together."
they didn't mean, " Game Over."
they meant, " Game Over if you're leaving with a full purse. cause this arcade ain't closing for nobody."

the world won't change.
we have to change.
i cannot assure that the worst is over.
but i can promise you that timeless phrase,
that the night is darkest just before the dawn.

damn, i sound like a girl.

2009-06-02T16:06:00.002-04:00

THIS TIME- WONDER GIRLS
(currently my favorite non-english sad song.)
(i heard they put up this song for their ex-member, hyun-a, who left because of health complications)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wzg951vUGA

I once promised myself that
I will never love again
Grazing by of the parting memories
The trust that is now broken again
Upon pain and comfort I erased them

But ever since I first saw you
I began to get courage
When I rest against your shoulder,
My mind becomes comfortable
I want to stay like this forever with you babe

Maybe it will be different this time my love
Maybe it’ll be okay to trust you
Do you now understand my mind that
Never wants the love you show towards me to change?

I love you baby
And I need you babe
Without you the long period of loneliness will repeat itself
Please don’t ever change

My all, I’ll be the same

You don’t doubt me because you trust me right now
But I’m afraid of the times without you
When the night that’s been soaked in black passes
And the sun is shining in my windowsill
If you’re not there, I might cry again

Yes, I hope you don’t become a painful memory to me
Like the men that have grazed by me in the past
Please just hug me like this forever babe

Maybe it will be different this time my love
Maybe it’ll be okay to trust you
Do you now understand my mind that
Never wants the love you show towards me to change?

I love you baby
And I need you babe
Without you the long period of loneliness will repeat itself
Please don’t ever change

My all, I’ll be the same

You are the last hope left for me
The world without you will be like a terrible darkness
Please acknowledge my love towards you more
My love…

Maybe it will be different this time my love
Maybe it’ll be okay to trust you
Do you now understand my mind that
Never wants the love you show towards me to change?
I love you baby
And I need you babe
Without you the long period of loneliness will repeat itself
Please don’t ever change

My all, I’ll be the same

2009-05-31T02:33:00.005-04:00

it was only recently i realised....
I REALLY REALLY LIKE THE WONDER GIRLS!

WONDER GIRLS FTW!!
WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not just their "Nobody" only, last night i went to check on their songs and almost all of them sounded nice! pity i don't understand.

introducing:

SunYe (#2 Fave)

SoHee (#1 Fave!)

SunMi (#5 Fave)

YuBin(#3 Fave)

YeEun (#4 Fave)

2009-05-26T16:47:00.002-04:00

GOOD MORNING SINGAPORE!

i will be resigning officially on the 15th of June. The manager, thank god, has approved (think he hates me), and i would be looking for a new job. He also said i wasn't suited for an FNB job so i'm looking at my other options.

1) i really wanna go intern at a art/comic/studio- type company. Think of it as a early ITP.
2) if that's not possible, then i could work part-time for a slightly-higher pay, hopefully.
3) if not, then i would have to look for other options.

for part (1), if anyone have any links for it, PLEASE CONTACT ME! i know it's very difficult for a person like me to get hold of this kind of job.

Heartalk:

Hellos to GAIA!, miss you all so much! =) would be seeing you all soon!
Hellos to Year ones, never really got the chance to meet up with you all, tag me! i'll not going to eat you =P
Hellos to CADCians ><><>< SEEING YOU SOON.

sometimes i think of it as a bad dream. a very bad one where i work alone and all my friends aren't around me anymore. the kind of dream that you hope to wake up and say," whew, what a nightmare." i've still got a while more before i come back. but i really dun think about it now, cause got skype and i try to think of work more. also, i realised that i was too clingy and dependent on you all. yes, we are friends; some of you are more than friends, you're family. but i now know that sometimes, when things happen to you, other than depending on my friends, like always, i must try to walk it out on my own. i truly wish that when i come back, i would have learned to become stronger, more mature, and more responsible for my own actions. i will also try to listen to other people, cause you're not right all the time, and the " i don't give a damn" attitude will onyl make things worse.

finally, i've decided i should quit smoking. cause i don't want anyone to follow in my footsteps in the near future. it's really bullshit when the government said you can get addicted to it, but it will become a habit, a sort of recreational activity that is bad for you, but still you would find that you would be wanting that cigarette more than the first time.

it's for you, too.

2009-05-23T14:28:00.003-04:00

hey everyone. time for kenneth to blog again.

honestly, i have come to hate work very much.

Few reasons include:

The pay is really too little.
The manager is a little, how would you put it, unpleasant. ( i tried my best to say it nicely)
The people there are mostly backstabbers, so i try my best not to divulge anything to them.
The crew there prefer to talk to themselves ONLY.
The staff meal sucks.
The location is in a place none of my friends ever go.
I want very much to work the opening hours and go to school to see my friends, but sadly mr.manager says no. I end up doing closing.

Well, hopefully some of my friends can help me catch a few job offers here and help me get out of that shithole. =)

Now let me show you all something.

Nice or not? I rmb saying that this position of lester is just nice for a calendar. so... there you have it folks, you can just go save as a wallpaper for june. =))

See ya nx week.

2009-05-18T16:05:00.003-04:00

So, i'm back from work for another post.

I was quite sad to know that Twins had split temporarily.
But it was good to know that despite Mr. Edison Chen's bad move, Gillian's partner Charlene had a new album, Two without One, that i heard over at the radio last week. The song was very nice, and i was glad to know that at least one of them was still singing. I liked the title too, there's a double meaning to it. One, the song is about a girl being alone and has no mate. Two, the songs is dedicated to the splitting of Twins, and how Ah Sa is going on without her. Hmm, quite sad. Screw you, Edison.

Her new song: Listen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn4zJhW8CjY&feature=related

I really feel like getting drunk. Really.

Also, CADC guys have just started playing maple. Good Job!
Members:

[Kai] KawaiiKaiKai-Fighter
[chingee] chaurjipa-Bandit
[oscar] zeddycool- Fighter
[ganjoo] wahahahagj- Xbowman
[edmund] Unknownuserr- Dragonknight
[nigel] moomooturtle- Ice/Lightning Mage
[nic] wonderrkidz- Hunter
[lionel] Strrike-Magician
[lester] MrshuaigexDD- Bandit
[zhi xuan] Arhlian- Mage
[weng xian] emanating- Mage
[kenneth] MissNotKnown-Xbowman
[farris] ibash-Beginner

Let's hope that the girls would join the scene =)
Happy Mapling!

Yay. Meanwhile, happy belated to Jingqi, and welcome back to Singapore!

Those memories seeing you around me are like a good movie played over and over.

#90

2009-05-06T13:42:00.003-04:00

I'm working now, in case some of you don't know yet.
So i'll be blogging lesser now.

I hate the H1N1 flu.

I don't understand. and i anticipate what's gonna happen next.

Let's see...
Chicken: We've got the Avian Flu.
Beef: We've got Mad Cow Disease.
Pork: We've got the Swine Flu now. Yepps.
Fish: Got high mercury content.
Mutton: We've got the BSE:Atypical Scrapie for British Mutton.
Vegetable: I hate them. But i still can't eat them; got high pesticide content.
Monkeys: We've got the AIDS disease.

SO.... WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO EAT?

I'll let you guys think about that.

face your demons

2009-04-23T13:40:00.002-04:00

i went back to two places today.

hostel &
the place

and this morning when i recieved a msg from someone.
the people that i have turned my head from.

long ago, when i first started my line of work,
i thought to myself," I hate getting bullied all the time."
Have you ever got shamed in front of your class by a bunch of girls?
No, you have not.
I told myself, " i want to be feared, for once."
Then when i reached a point where i said, " No, this is for money."

When i came to a stop where no one gives a shit about me,
that was when i felt true loneliness.

I saw so many of my fellow friends get hurt and die.
I saw my father leave me.
I saw my mother hit me.
I saw myself missing death several times.
I saw the police taking my father away.
I saw the police taking me away.
I saw four walls and darkness.
I paid 3 years of my freedom for what i did.

WHY IS THAT YOU, FREE AND RICH, IN YOUR OWN MEANS, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME.

that's why you got what you deserved.
2 years in prison? that's peanuts for your case, man.

I was so lonely, the darkness, oh my god, you never will understand. Neither of any of you.
Days spent sleeping in the coffee shop.
Nights spent roaming in the streets.
Puff after puff after puff.

What's good with a phone that no one bothers to call you with?
What's good when you tried to find a computer when no one tries to talk to you?
I tried to kill myself twice, then realised that i didn't have to guts to do it.
Thinking back, maybe i should.
All i do until today is to cause trouble to others.

When i first went into hostel, the first week was terrible.
20 people assigned to beat the shit out of you. 2 was in charge of looking out for people.
The pain was worse than death.

When i started out, I have 7 brothers.
When i walked out, I couldn't even contact 1.
What a sick joke.

Someone once told me, " You are a hopeless case."
" One, you'll never succeed in life, for you rely too much on others."
" Two, you'll never do anything, because you talk and dream too much."
" Three, No woman in the world is going to fall for you, because you suck, honestly."
" Just do this, earn some cash and then eat the free jail food. Don't worry, they have seconds there."

Hey, maybe you're right.
But i'm not going back, no matter how bleak i see the future can get.
Because i know, for once i'll be walking on the correct path.

Happy Birthday Ruilong. Hope you're looking at me from above, or below.
Because if i could, i would be sobbing like a pussy, like you. Haha.
24/4/09

#87

2009-04-20T11:46:00.003-04:00

Well, okay, i'll come clean about this. I'm always shitting about my life being awesome and shiok about having no school now, but i start to feel like shit these couple of days. I miss school. I miss having a school and all. And most of all, i miss you guys. CADC, mind you, not DGDD. I dunno why, but i realised how serious my future can get. And i also want you all to know that i will NEVER, NEVER leave you all, unless if you all leave me first, of course.

PS: I still love you, but just enough to get ready to let you go.

#86

2009-04-20T11:40:00.003-04:00

Hmmm.... Let me see.
What happened during the last week of my holidays?

Sunday. I went for debrief. Then we went for dinner at KFC.
Monday. I got shot in paintball, i ate at a fake thai restaurant, and i got cake all over my face
when i was celebrating MEH'S birthday.

Tuesday. I remembered i got a haircut and oscar got his hair gold.
Wednesday. I slept at oscar's house, then we went to buy stuff at Clementi.
Thursday. I woke up late and went for chalet.
Friday. Chalet

(I think i was still playing RA3 over at the other corner)

Saturday. Pack up and slept off the day. Then went with buddies for pool. After that, went back to oscar's house again.
Sunday. Slept off at oscar's house then went for pool again.

Yep. that sums up my awesome last week.

2009-04-14T08:22:00.002-04:00

Start with 100% and subtract 1% for everything that you've done.

01. Smoked
02. Drank alcohol
03. Cried when someone died.
04. Been drunk.
05. Had sex.
06. Been to a concert.
07. Gotten/given a hand job.
08. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
09. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.
10. Had cyber sex
11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a Wal-Mart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or received a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 86%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went skinny dipping.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party w/o parents consent.
30. Done drugs.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 82%

31. Played strip poker/darts/pool.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Made beans.
40. Been in love.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 76%

41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 69%

51. Watched a person die.
52. Kissed somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Made spicy beans.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed Goth.
59. Dressed preppy .
60. Been to a motocross race.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 64%

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 58%

71. Been caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 54%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 2 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore .

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 49%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected
98. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
99.Left a restaurant without paying.
100. Been raped.

Total Percentage: 46%

42%!
Not as bad as i thought it would actually be.
=)

2009-04-11T06:16:00.002-04:00

Paiseh on the lag time of posts ><"
My computer is offically spolit for good. Sheesh.

A big "THANK YOU" to everyone who celebrated my birthday on the 11th of April; it was certainly a refreshing experience to be wished by a 100 over people. Especially to:

My GAIA members=)
Jiemin, Irving, Kaiwen=)
My Brothers=D
Shuyan=)

What a load of fun i had the past few days i could not imagine. Serious.
I did:
3 Movies
Pool
Paintball
Thai Food
2x KFC
Bball
Beer (1 Can nia)

But i'm still looking forward to my last event of the holidays. After that, it's time to find a job and start my life anew. Remember guys, I'll always be there like a irritating pest, never leaving you EVER.

Well, i still got loads to do, so take care guys.
"distance makes the heart grow fonder." I'll drink to that.

I should never have tried using the net. Now the fishing rod is broken for good, yet the one in the net becomes my dinner.

2009-04-09T00:43:00.003-04:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

True or not, i leave it to you all to decide.

My best friend is going be an uncle soon.
My laptop died on me, so it means that i would NOT be stoning at home with a hot new game.
Now sitting in club, looking at the com, thinking that everything would be fine but it's not.
BORING.

Okay, if it's going to be like that, then i might as well do something about her. I want to prove to myself for once that i have the balls to do it.

TIME OF MY LIFE =)

2009-04-06T07:33:00.005-04:00

Dear friends, I'm finally back from camp prep.

My PCs, we've been through so much, so many ups and downs, so many tears, blood and sweat, to reach where we are today.

My dearest brothers, i love you all so much.

Oscar+ Edmund+ Zwei+ Lester.

My dearest PCs, i will never forget these days.

Ganjoo Feli Jingqi Huilun Yunhui Nick Chingee
Lionel Nigel Qiaoyan Jamie Carlyn Xinlei Lifang
Yenceen Junyi Zhixuan.

I'll remember all the times we stayed out too late.
I'll remember all the times we gorged on food.
I'll remember all the times I fell asleep looking at your faces.
I'll remember all the times we've fallen and got up.

The freshmen this year rocks too! =) You all are so enthu and it all put a smile on all our faces.

Also, the year 2 and 3s.

Especially Janet+ Weiyi+ Guoliang+ Jasmine.

Without you all i'd never knew what to do.

All in all, i've had the time of my life.

Now my deepest fear is that will we remain as close as we are now?

2009-02-17T06:28:00.003-04:00

stayed with brothers on V-day No.19.

Since i didn't go out with any girl for the occasion, i would do better to forget about it.
Well, the lucky people aside, i did see some sad sad omg posts about how they didn't had a date for vdae, how nobody asked them out for vdae, etc, etc. Well, here's news for you.

I spent vdae no.18 in a boy's hostel for juvenile delinquents.
I can't see the one i love,
I can't see that happy valentine's day msg that almost everyone would have.
i can't even see that clear blue sky.

So dun be so sad, yeah?

I used to do something every year, that is i would write " happy valentine's day" on a card, and ask one of my friends to give it to someone that matters to them a lot. Then the person would pass it to another person and so on. In the small wish that the card would one day get passed back to me. Well, since it's already the futuristic year, i would do it via my blog, so i would like you all to copy and write ur name and wishes in this card and pass it to someone that matters to you a lot, no matter is ur bf, ur bff, ur family, etc, etc.

So spread the love, yeah?

2009-02-10T00:21:00.002-04:00

>.<" last week of school.

well, i'm telling you i'm THIS excited! ( points middle finger)

About Feb 14, i just hope that none of the following would happens to my best of friends.
*Sing to the tune of Apologize

"eh.... eh..."
* Mutton, what happen to you?
" eh... pain arh eh..."
*what happen?
"eh... kena hammer..."
*Huh?
"i tell you..."

February 14 gonna spend that day alone.
* eh, but i thought you got girlfriend?
I didn't buy a gift so she broke my collarbone.
*Aiyo!
She tell me that i'm stingy then she go and cut my arm, away
I tell her that i'm sorry but then she kicked me to the ground, and say

It's too late to go and buy, it's too late...
*Aiya, tell her shop all close la!
It's too late, no valentine, i'm bogay...
*Aiya, mutton, you very poor thing la!
*muffled sounds
*WHAT?
*ya, i tell you why.

She punched in the mouth now i got no front tooth
*Ah, like Bugs Bunny like that huh?
I look like Mickey Mouse, cause my ears are like balloons
*Eh, get kids take photo with you la.
She hold me and dunk my face, now it's turning blue, and she say
You should have brought me flowers, should have brought me diamonds too,
now you're dead

It's too late to go and buy, it's too late...
*Go 7-eleven buy orange juice la!
It's too late, no valentine, i'm bogay...
*Thomson got prata 24 hours!
It's too late and buy, ee..aa...
It's too late, no valentine's, why like that
* Come la mutton, we go zoo la.

ps:in case you think i copy and paste from somewhere, i didn't.

2009-02-03T20:13:00.002-04:00

Continued from jm's blog.

After the interview from Mr Foo Jie Min, this reporter had the chance to catch up with Mr Kenneth Osiris Chien, 18, while he was at work with his board game. It was a while since there was any news about him, so JM Times was very glad that they found him. He was in a calm mood, as he turned around and accepted the interview.

R: First of all, Mr Chien, i'd like to thank you for accepting this interview with us at The JM Times.

K: The pleasure's all mine.

R: So, Mr Chien, what have you been doing this few months?

K: Nothing much, just very busy with my work right now, that i deleted almost 3/4 of all my games.

R: Really, Mr Chien? Wow, that's a great surprise.

K: Well, i had no choice but to do it.

R: What kind of work are you involved in, Mr Chien?

K: Mostly schoolwork, with a bonus of campwork, and also many other problems that contribute to my stress level.

R: Based on your previous record, Mr Chien, you would not have done anything to solve your problems. Is there anything that help with your stress?

K: I am currently learning to play basketball with a couple of good friends that, i must say, are very helpful and into training myself to play better.

R: Amazing. What would you like to say to your fans?

K: I would like to say, keep on supporting me, when this is all over, we would start the fun again.

R: And what plans do you have after all this is over?

K: I would do all the things that i should have done, like learning electric guitar, learning driving, go overseas, drink as much as possible and party.

R: I'm so happy for you, Mr Chien. Well sir, best of luck to you and thank you for your time.

K: You are welcome.

Dear blog, it's almost time for the dreaded February 14 again.
The very reason that i hate that day is obvious.
Past 10 years i have spent it, alone.
This year would have no exception, either.

2009-01-28T22:13:00.003-04:00

I reflected on myself these past few days.
Now i'm stressed, but i'm not unhappy.
I realised that it was like walking home with two feet full of blisters.
Every step that you take is pain.
But i know that you have to reach home.
And because you know it, you keep on going.

I was a failure once.
But i'm not going to let this happen again.
Because i know i can do it, therefore i will.
And for bball, i will prove to everyone that i am not a failure.
To the team that i'm in that i'm not their BURDEN.
For my studies, i will try my utmost to scrape through.

This time, i'm not going to fail.

Because i know i can.

2009-01-27T21:10:00.005-04:00

Me also wish that there should be a ban against all these silly quizes.

From zwei and lester =)

1. The person who passed you this quiz is-
lester
zwei

2.Your relationship with him/her-
brother (not blood-related, obviously)
brother

3.Your 5 impression of him / her-
Sporty/Loyal/Not Stingy/Friendly/Naive
Soulful/Deep/Scared-Of-Wife/See-Colour-Not-Brother/A Great Friend

4.The most memorable thing she / he has done for you-
Teaching me basketball.
Talking to me.

5.The most memorable word she / he has said to you-
"Heh heh heh"
"Kao Pei!"

6.If she/he become your lover you will-
Be gay.
Be gay.

7.If she/he become your lover, things he/she should improve on-
He shouldn't be gay.
He shouldn't be gay.

8.If he/she become my enemy-
F*** his ass up.
Puch his face.

9.If he/she become my enemy the reason is-
Steal my gf by playing bball.
Steal my gf by playing the guitar.

10.The most desired thing you want to do with him/her now is-
Play bball.
Do a dual tag on any song.

11.Your overall impression with him/her is-
He's a guy.
He's a Min Ji Mon Kok.

12.How do you think people around you will feel about you?-
I dunno.

13.The characteristics you love about yourself are-
Being able to live the moment.

14.On the contrary,the characteristics you hate about yourself are-
I lack confidence, height, money, diligence.

15.The most ideal person you want to be is?-
Still be me.

16.For those people that care and like you, say something to them-
thanks for everything. (:

17.Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you..

1. zhongwei
2. oscar
3. jingqi
4. lifang
5. xinlei
6. qiaoyan
7. nigel
8. felicia
9. chingee
10. jiemin
(:

18.Who is no. 6 have having a relationship with at the moment?
Heh heh heh.....

19.No.9 is a male or female?
70% male.

20.If No.7 and No.10 are together, will it be a good thing?
No way.

21.How about No.5 and No.8?
That's worse.

22.What is No.2 studying?
Banking and finance.

23.What was the last time you had a chat with No.3?
Not sure.

24.What kind of music band does No. 8 like?
Jay chou.

25.Does No.1 have any siblings?
2 brothers.

26.Will you woo No.3?
She's a nice girl. But i'm not worth her, i guess.

27.How about No.7?
Never.

28.Is No.4 single?
Attached with no.1.

29.What is the hobby of No.5?
Keeping quiet.

30.Do No.5 & No.9 get along well?
Well enough.

31.Where is No.2 studying at?
SP school of business.

32.Say something casually about No.1.
You're going to see Lifang AGAIN?

33.Have you try developing feeling for No.8?
Never tried, never will.

34.Where does No.9 live?
Chinese gardens or lakeside.

35.What does number 3 like?
That guy from fahrenheit. Sheesh.

36.Are No.5 & No.1 best friends?
Considered yes.

37.Does No.7 like No.2?
Unless both of them are homosexuals.

38.How do you know No.2?
Mahjong :)

39.Does No.1 have a pet?
Nope.

40.Is No.7 the sexiest girl in the world?
He's neither sexy or a girl.

41.Do you think it possible No.4 & 5 date each other?
I would love to see it happen.

42-Say something more about No.6.
*laughs for 15 minutes.

43.What is the relationship between you & No.9?
good friends.

44.List all the school that No1.-No.10 are in and originally from and your relationship between him or her:
Not answering.

45.What will you do if No.10 hates you?
He won't.

46.Which of the following are in a relationship?
1 and 4 could be married any moment now :p

47.How do you first met No.3?
Camp -.-"

48. What would your reaction be if No.3 and No.10 are together?
One can't see the other.

2009-01-27T20:59:00.002-04:00

Me wish that there should be a rule against the prices of food during CNY.

The rules and regulations:
1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about themself.
2. People who get tagged need to write their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts.
3. At the end, player needs to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!

ONE: I love playing PC games.
TWO: I hate shallow people.
THREE: I listen to old songs. Like 1963- 1990 old.
FOUR: I look innocent, but i'm definitely not.
FIVE: I am a light sleeper.
SIX: I believe i'm equipped with an abnormally large brain.
SEVEN: I'm actually a very shy person.
EIGHT: I can hold large doses of alcohol.
NINE: I'm obsessed with japanese women.
TEN: I play the electric guitar.

10 ARE YOU's
1. Are you single - Wish i wasn't, but yes.
2. Are you happy- Define Happy.
3. Are you bored - Yes.
4. Are you fair- Dark.
5. Are you Italian- No.
6. Are you intelligent- I believe so.
7. Are you honest- No.
8. Are you nice- Only if i want to.
9. Are you Irish- No.
10.?

TEN FACTS
1. Full Name
# Kenneth Chien
2. Nicknames
# Osiris, pui-eh, dragonboat, dadada.
3. Birth place
# If i'm not mistaken, the Causeway.
4. Hair color
# Black
5. Natural hairstyle
# Flat.
6. Eye Colour
#Black
7.Birthday
# 11 April 1990
8.Mood
# Bored.
9. Favourite colour
# Black, white.
10. One place you like to visit
# Akibahara, Japan.

10 person i tag:
Anyone!

2009-01-17T15:22:00.005-04:00

Happy Birthday to my dearest welfare comm ass.head : JAMIE!!

Meet up with jiemin this week. We spoke, spammed food, and i was able to forget my things for a while. He still is the best thing that ever happened to my secondary school life.

I was very ashamed of what i've done and said during debrief. I had absolutely no right to say that i'm stressed. Lots of people they're stressed, but they never say it out one mah. But why must i do it? Am i really that selfish of a person? Maybe i did it because i wanted everyone to share their stress. Maybe i wanted them to know that there are people who give in their everything just to try to make this work, not me, but just the guys, but the girls as well.

Jiemin asked me," Hey, it's still your future." But i still feel that i am really not that much of a future to talk about in the first place. Everyone says that i'm a slacker and a person who can die without playing games. I tried my best to change, but will i concentrate on my studies if i don't play games? Jiemin rebutted me by saying, " if you say you can sacrifice studies for camp, then why not sacrifice games for study?"

I never cry. Since i was seven, i never once cried. I only regret that i could be in a course with exams, or maybe i could be a little be richer. But that is foolish. If the old me can see me now. The old me, who was so carefree, who faced much more torture and pain than i believe none of my friends could ever imagine, who never once felt this feeling that i have now, the fear that is haunting me every moment i close my eyes.The old me, who once was alone even in the darkest of nights, with no father, and a mother who couldn't care less, who now has become such a wuss.

But now at least i have a group of people whom i could call friends. Who i could tell them my thoughts, who care for me, who are my pillar of strength. I have never regretted joining this club and more importantly, i never regretted i became part of this camp. And i swear, that i will do whatever it takes, however small my effort is, to make this thing work, for Oscar, for the freshmen, for the 22 people, and for myself.

Like this chorus of a song goes:

心情坏只发呆
你的难过不会有人睬
路很长站起来
或许远方同样有谁在等待
你的爱
For you
My dear friends
I'll be always on your side
当你很想远离痛苦
寻找爱
With you
My dear friends
越过高山和大海
勇敢面对危险
We're On the road again

优客李林 << 少年游 >>

CADC, you're my pillar of strength.

2009-01-13T01:31:00.004-04:00

A week have passed since school started, and nothing much has changed. The same old smiles, the fun and the work. I haven't left much games left by now, i really want to do my overdue work to prevent from failing this shitty course of mine. Or maybe i would purposely fail to leave this course. Whatever happens, i hope my friends will be on my side, with me.

Kai, if you are reading, please, we still care for you and are your homies forever. Bro, never doubt our words, and tell us your problems. Maybe me, maybe JM, maybe Irving, tell anyone. Just don't keep it to yourself. There's always another year. This year had one scoring 6As, 32 years old prison convict. If he can, why can't you?

與你分享的快樂, 勝過獨自擁有, 至今我仍深深感動. =)
CADC, you're my pillar of strength.

Everyone, you never understand how i feel.

2009-01-04T21:59:00.003-04:00

Didn't really celebrate new years'.
Went out with clubmates for a little gathering, and a little mahjong.
maybe i was dreaming of a great bash full of alcohol and chicks.
well, i didn't get it, so what the hell.

Haven't drank in couple of whiles.
Mates, can we go get drunk sometime soon?
I am so fucking sober.
Sheesh.

Lost 30 bucks and a tile at oscar's house, sorry about that, man.
I seriously dunno what happened to it.
I wanted to chiong homework, but couldn't find the motivation.
Hmm, maybe i would really drop out next year.
But who cares? Certainly not me.

I hate emo posts.
Nobody reads them. I understand.
My mates ask me whether i'm adopting the emo style to act cool.
I don't, for fucks' sake.
I just need a place to vent off steam.

Like for instance, i got scolded for spitting near the mrt.
Then i couldn't get to the train to pasir ris because of a whole escators worth of fools
standing like nobody's business. When i finally reached the platform, the doors closed
right in my face. What a great way to start a Monday.
I wonder whether anymore would come my way later today.
Well, at least, i got everybody's attention by screaming " FUCK!!!!" very loudly and went off to the side.

I am really so sorry about the tee.
It's not my fault that i couldn't get them to pay up.
But if you have anything to say, pls just tell it to me.
You know, i really do hate people who talk behind my back.
I can explain. I'm just too flustered to say anything.
I'm in no postion to scold them, yet everyone scolds me for delaying it.
Maybe it was a bad decision to initate something for once.
I should have left it to someone else.

2009-01-01T10:47:00.002-04:00

As promised, here are my new year resolutions:

1) Find myself a girlfriend.

2) Make FO 0910 the most successful one of all time.

3) Get a motorbike license.

4) Master electric guitar.

5) Learn how to swim.

6) Lie a little bit lesser.

7) Cut down on food.

8) Get a little bit thinner and hopefully taller.

9)Most importantly, be a happier guy!

Yays. Happy 2009 to all =)

2008-12-28T21:04:00.008-04:00

School's up!

But meanwhile, i'll take a little time to show the photos><. First stop: CADC MONTH!
Groupie time!

Us doing the dance thingy.

Them laughing about it.

Their turn to do it. (Karma!!!)

I seriously cannot believe that jamie is actually shorter than ChungHeng.

This one is priceless.

Ultimate "yeah" look.

Zhangkai doing the "Yellow Drink is so good!" advertisement. Zzz.

Second Stop: WELFARE GATHERING.

I'm not that keen to show more photos, but here's the timeline.
3.00pm: Finished the overnight session at Lawson's house.

4.00pm: Reached Home. Bathed. Changed.

5.00pm: Met Oscar and Lawson at Velocity to buy Xmas Present.

6.00pm: Waiting for the peeps after buying deodorant and Oscar his own present.

7.00pm: Buffet time! The Need for Food Blacklist 15 comes along to chew, munch, and consume as much as possible in order to bring the house down.
Black list 15:
Nick
Oscar
Vince
Kenneth
Edmund
Qiaoyan
Zhongwei
Lester
......

9.00pm: Insanely full, we go. To where, for what, i don't really remember.

For the Yr1 Xmas Gathering, will post nx time, too long liao.

Quite stressed, really.
Camp prep worries me to death.
Worry that i might fail.
Worry that we might fail.
Worry that Oscar worries that we might fail.
Worry about the schedule.
Worry about my schoolwork.
Worry about everyone.

Haix. But i will not give up.
Because the seniors never did.
Because the IC/PCs never did.
Because Oscar believes that we will never give up.

Is it me or is it just we are slacking?
I want to force myself to stop playing, stop slacking and start the run once and for all.
Before anything, i need long rest.

I love her.
But if anything, i force myself not to love.
I blatantly refuse to love.
I stop and breath.
But in the end i still love you.
I just don't want you to know.

CADC FO/PCs 0910 zuizai!!!!!

2008-12-17T13:45:00.000-04:00

the melancholy in me tries to shut the sanguine up.
the little choleric tells the phlegmatic to buck up but to no avail.
time. stops. now.

just hope the person who ruined me doesn't come back again to do the same thing.

2008-12-04T11:35:00.004-04:00

These day i've been listening to old songs, both english and chinese. Some of them are say, very very nostagic, like deja vu.
I happened to come across a classic, Emil Chow's Peng You.
As i listened to that song, i realized how selfish i was. How all this time, i was merely minding my own business and how sometimes, we go through life so fast, that we have simply forgotten, the little moments we have with our friends, brothers, sisters, homies, whatever you call them, don't they mean something to you?
My dear readers, most of you are also the friends that went with me, unknowingly, through, tears and sweat, the times in secondary school, the times when i was a freshman in poly who didn't know nothing, without my friends, i would have not been what i was today.
The happiness of instant noodles, simple. yet very much rushed through by us.
Then, i wondered to myself, have i done anything at all for my friends? Was i there when they needed consolation and cheering up the most? Or have i been a mere parasite, cheating and stealing of their precious time when they could have spent it with more worthy people unlike myself?
Those periods, maybe like practice or even studying together, have we concentrated too much on the studying to just enjoy the hours and minutes, that they look at you and smile, saying," Ah... thank god you're here." Or maybe even sharing a little joke and laughing our asses off by something completely nonsensical?
My code in life was to " Live For The Moment", and making this lifetime the best, for myself and for everyone else, cause for god's sake we don't know if we have a second life, right?
I can only wish for all my friends, to be happy always, and to tell me all your problems, as i will eventually tell you my problems, too.

Anyways here are the lyrics for the song=)
Ze xie nian, yi ge ren
All these years, alone

Feng ye guo, yu ye zou
The wind has passed, the rain has gone

You guo lei, you guo cuo
There were tears, there were wrongs

Hai ji de jien chi shen me
Things we hold dear I still recall

Zhen ai guo, chai hui tong
If you've had true love, then you would know

Hui ji muo, hui hui shou
There is loneliness, there are goodbyes

Zhong you meng, zhong you ni
There are dreams, always there is you

Zai xin zhong
In my heart

** Peng you yi shen yi chi zou
Friends walk this life together

Na xie ri zhi bu zhai you
Those days will not return

Yi ju hua, yi bei zhi
One word, one life

Yi shen ching, yi bei jiu
A lifetime relationship, a cup of wine

Peng you bu cheng gu tan gou
With friends you won't be lonely

Yi shen peng you, ni hui dong
Lifelong friends, you'd understand

Hai you shang, hai you tong
There are wounds, there is pain

Hai yao zou
Must go our separate ways

hai you wo
Always there is me

2008-11-28T14:18:00.002-04:00

DGDD, don't read it, please. If you do, then by fuck's sake don't comment. It's not for you.
I just thought it would look better in black.

it's like... i totally dun belong in my class anymore.
Those things they could do, i could do none of it.
The faces they give me, of both students and teachers, i don't even know how to relate to them anymore.
With the exception of a few kind souls who even bothered to talk to me, i seem so out of place in my course.
I feel crushed and empty, and if i don't have CADC, i think i won't bother coming to school at all =(
And i finally realized how it feels to do something that you like the best as a work, as something you are forced to do. I see my friends going for exams, for MSTs, i envy them very much. I know myself, i like going for exams because it's a one-shot thing and i don't have too many things to worry at one thing. Some of them even look at me as if i am... whatever. But it's not their fault. I know i have only myself to blame for all of this.

I realized that i am really going to fail this semester cause i don't have a clue to what i'm doing, all yet all the while i am playing the fool and acting as if i'm still very much of a pro.
I smile of course, when i'm in club, and i'm truly grateful to them, cause they, along with my homies, are the only reason that i still can smile today. I long for someone to understand how i feel and console me, but that's the losers' way of thinking, no?

I'm so stressed that i probably have no idea to whatever the fuck i am writing, but other than this, i still have a lot of other things on my mind, too atrocious to be blogged out in the first place. I feel so much to want to change my course, entirely, to leave that T3A block forever, but where else can i go? I know my score is probably okay, but the problem of going into a completely new course with a bunch of strangers that in themselves has already bonded tight, the enviroment. and what will my hostel and my parents say?

Where can i go and what should i do?
Fucking hell =((