Wow.... Long time since i'm here.

Ever since NS started, it took the writing out of me.
Well, i don't think i should bore you with army stuff, since there are too many stories to tell.
Everytime i'm here i came to pen my current thoughts down, and that should be the way. I was joking along with a friend when i thought about this.

I've been logically thinking, done some research, and i've came to realise that there's very little possibility that i can accomplish my dream. In fact, if you would see closely, i'm actually very very very fucked up. I'm 21, with nothing but a O levels cert, and i have no money, nor savings, neither a rich family to sustain me. And in the industry that i want to be in, i'll lose out, on about at least 6-7 years of experience. Everyone wants young blood. Who would like a late twenties dude to start out? Technically, no.

I've seen some people in their late twenties, with a 1500-1700 paying job, N levels- Nitec, just going through the motion. Some even got a kid on their hands. Not that i despise these people, cause everybody have their sad stories, or maybe that is already their dream? To start small and be simple in life. But i dread that that will happen to me. At the age of 23, without a tertiary education and fresh out of army, what can be of me when even the best of university graduates can't find one?

I still believe that i'm made for something better than the status quo. I don't want to go through the motion. I want to make my life worthwhile. I told myself many times. I only live once, and i don't want to have nothing to show for it. Either i have a blast, or just let me die now. Honestly. I keep on thinking, and thinking. At least Abel Rosnovski had time. He came to America to start a new life when he was like damn young. Now even time is not on my side. And can i do anything about it now? No.

What's the point of thinking about it night after night, bugging me before i fall asleep? Each time i see my friends, i am reminded that after army, their world is their oyster, and that's when their adult life really begins, while mine... ... is a story yet to unfold. What would we talk about, assuming we still meet each other in the future?

Hey, how's your ____ job doing? Oh yeah great, how about you Kenneth?

What am i going to reply?
1) I'm still in school
2) I'm a bum
3) I'm doing XXX job (LOW PAY LONG HOURS NO QUALIFICATION NEEDED)
4) None of the above

I dunno yet. But... oh man, i can't go on, my mind is messed up.
All the more reasons to give up thinking about relationships, don't you think so?

Anyway, real-time speaking,
My PSP is spoiled,
My laptop is spoiled,
I'm sick, and not even the doc gives a fuck.
I'm broke.

Ryan Tedder says when you're happy like a fool, let it take you over; when everything is out, you gotta take it in. I try my best to remember that whenever shit happens, but it's well... fucking hard.


see you when i see you.